I pick up the sheet of paper on the table. "He's ordered us pizza, pasta, and salads, and the option to order something else if that's what we want."
I spy the credit card, one a part of me itches to steal, hide, just in case I need it to run.
She shakes her head. "He means you, not we, not really. I'm almost sixteen, and I can see that."
"I'm not hungry." I put the note down, this time over the card.
She sighs. "You know what, Lola? The harder you hold something back, the harder Enzo's going to go in to please you."
"Do you think he sees it?" I whisper.
"That you've got some reservations? No way. He's a guy.He knows you want to take it slowly, so he's trying harder to show you that he's a good guy."
I nod.
And I wish I could have a stiff drink. But I don't. I stick to my water.
"This is where you're supposed to say you know he is a good guy." She closes the lid to her computer.
I sigh.
"Lola, I know you haven't told him about the...you know." Lyndall mimes a giant baby bump. "He's told me things are good, you're on a fresh page, and there are no more secrets. But this is one of those secrets you absolutely can't hide."
Lyndall's right. I know she's right.
I finger the condensation on the glass. "I'm aware."
"Is there a part of you that hasn't forgiven him?"
For a moment, I'm not sure what to say. Because I have.
I remind myself to breathe again. "No, it's not that. I've forgiven him, mostly."
"Mostly."
The words are out, and I can breathe a touch easier because it's absolute truth. Simple and complicated at the same time.
"This is just us. Promise?"
Lyndall's eyes grow wide and brighten with excitement as she nods. "Cross my heart."
And I smile, but it crumbles away.
"It isn't that I don't want to fully forgive him...I do. More than anything."
"But?" Lyndall asks.
"But there's a part of me that's scared." I try to find the right words.
She reaches over the table and takes my hand. "My brother protects those he loves. And he loves you. I know it."
I don't argue the semantics of love with her. "It's scary. He's so damn focused on me, and I've already seen the lengths he'll go to just to keep me safe. Even with you, I've seen how far he'll go to save you."
"He'd do the same for you."
"I know. That's the thing. You're his sister. But I'm... We just met again from my perspective, and he lied to me, pretending to be the wrong number guy, and he molded my life. That's frightening levels of focus for me."
Lyndall squeezes my hand and gives a soft little laugh. "He's a Marino. His attention can be a lot."
