Which means I'm in the same place I've been since I discovered how deep the stalking went.
His efforts impress me. But they scare me, too.
Just like I worry that Enzo thinks we're back at the start, shining and new. When I know I'm standing in rubble, trying to carefully rebuild.
Although he's moved most of my things into his suite, I look at this guest room as mine.
The nights I need my space don't seem to be something he understands, but it doesn't matter. I just tell him I want to take it slow.
And that works.
For now.
With a sigh and shaking hands, I smooth my skirt, stand, and do some work, which gives me moments of bliss.
I'm happy he texted to say he's going to be late. That's another thing. I do get a number of texts a day.
But as happy as I am with the distance, my stupid heart beats wild as a keening need to see him winds through me.
How can I both miss him and want him and be relieved he's not going to be back straight away?
But as I change into yoga pants and a T-shirt, I know why I can be both. And the relief has got nothing to do with the rubble of the very recent past.
I do want to move on. But Enzo being late just means another day of not telling him about the pregnancy. I know I should just tell him, but how, when I can barely get my head around it?
Making a doctor's appointment would get back to him. He'd insist on coming along. Or he'd just try to hack into the files to make sure I'm fine.
I can't even sneak a visit in. I'm still a prisoner, though one with free rein over his brownstone.
And even though I want to keep it right now, I still want to explore options because, what if this thing with Enzo just doesn't work?
Then I'll take my baby and go into hiding.
I head out, bypassing the elevator to take the stairs. "Sure. Have Enzo's baby and run, and he'll be after you immediately. He'll track you down and drag you back."
Shaking my head, I reach the kitchen.
Lyndall's there, her computer open and a textbook next to her.
"Yes! Saved at last!" Then she leans forward on the table. "Did you know there's a cool room where Enzo has meetings here? I saw it once. Do you think he has bodies in that basement level?"
I take a breath, this time for her. "I try not to interfere with Enzo's business."
I pour myself a glass of water.
"You should. I bet it's really exciting." She leans back. "I'm surprised you're not wearing a giant rock yet, with the way he is about you."
Heat climbs in my cheeks. "What do you mean?"
She slides me a sly look. "Well, you're in love, and he's your boyfriend. Plus, he's super generous when you're around and not under lock and key."
"Iamunder lock and key.You'reunder lock and key."
"I'malwaysunder lock and key, Lola. Dad's places, boarding school...even Enzo's strict. But his brand of strict is a little stretchy."
I think about that but can't see it when it comes to me. "You, maybe."
"Not now. He thinks we're both a target. You more than me. I know you're from the same world we are, and when that man took me instead of you..." She stops and gives me a horrified look. "It was my fault. I ran at him. You tried to put me behind you."
