I lock onto that word. Safe.
"I need you to be reasonable, or at least cooperate. My one goal is to keep you safe, and I'll do that with your help or without it."
She doesn't answer, so I keep going.
"And think of me what you fucking will, Lola. I do have your best interests at heart. I know..." I sigh. "I know there was a falling out, and you lost me from your life. But for whatever that's worth, I was never really gone. And even if it's not worth anything to you, it is to me. I...I just want..."
I stop.
What is it that I want?
Beyond keeping her safe?
There are big things, scary things that press down on me, that squeeze my heart and hammer in my veins, but I don't give them air. Or even thought.
Instead, I settle on something else.
Something that is a safe truth.
"I want to help you and make up for it all. Whatever your dad did or didn't do, it's not on you, and I hate you're getting punished for it by being cut off, blackballed, however you want to put it. And I hate that this Dom is searching for you. I hate even more that he found you." And my sister.
She shudders. "I don't...I don't know what to do, Enzo. Or the right thing. But you stalking me isn't it."
"If anyone's a stalker, it's him."
"That smacks of the pot calling the kettle black, as the saying goes." But she's quiet when she says this, and her words lack bite and vitriol.
"Yeah, well, I did it for you." I suck in a breath. "And Lola, I can't let you go right now. You get that, right?"
"No, I don't. I mean, I get that, but I want space. I need space."
Fuck.
I bite down on a comeback.
There's no way she's going to have space like she's thinking. Space where I drop her off at her place and wait in the wings for her to call.
It's too dangerous.
Now fucking Dom has reared his head, and if I let him get away, he'll be back, so I need to show him Lola's mine. That she belongs to me.
"I feel violated, betrayed. I'm not sure... I miss Alex..."
Inexplicably, it's a tiny dagger to the heart. I'm Alex, so I don't get it. Either her words or my reaction.
"Lola..." I want to put it into words.
But that's all I get out.
She keeps talking. "It's like you've killed him, Enzo. And right now I don't know how to forgive you for that."
I sigh. "Alex is me, Lola."
"No..."
"Yes. I wasn't acting, it was me." I hate myself a little, even though I don't know how else I'd have done it. If I'd admitted to her at any time during that whole thing, she'd have shut down. I couldn't have that. "I know I crossed the line, but to be honest, I liked you, liked exploring things with you. And I discovered some of our kinks with you."
"I don't?—"
