"But?" There's always a fucking but.
Lola breathes in. "But at its core, real forgiveness is abouttrust. And there are times I don't quite trust you. Other times, I can't forgive you. So, I haven't. I wish I could. Right now, I wish I could say 'I forgive you and let's move on,' but I can't. Because I keep tripping over trust and the blank slate of forgiveness."
"Lola, no one is talking about a blank slate. We have lives, made mistakes. All of it."
"A blank slate..." It's like she's searching for words. "One that has the past still there, but it's ready for the future. I'm not there yet."
She doesn't say it, but I hear it anyway.
Maybe I never will be.
I hope she will. I need her to be.
I take her hand, lifting it and kissing it. "Lola... If you need more time, I'll give you that, as much as you need. But I hope one day you will be ready to truly forgive me." I stand. "And then we can write on that blank slate. Once it's blank for you."
The words cut into me, adding to the wounds hers made.
They're hard to say, some of the hardest.
But I fucking do it.
I'm almost at the door when she speaks.
"Enzo?"
"Yes?" I turn slowly.
Her hand is out, like she's reaching for me. "Stay?"
This isn't forgiveness.
I see it now for what it is.
A willingness to trust.
And I go to her. I take her hand.
"I'll stay."
Chapter Twenty-Five
LOLA
Enzo lowersthe lamps in the room, and then he goes into the ensuite. After a while, running water captures my attention.
I get up and go in, the floor a nice temperature under my feet.
"What are you doing? And is the floor heated? I've been on heated floors that turn on in winter, but this isn't that..."
He has stripped down to his jeans, and the broadness of his back and the way his muscles move capture my attention, not to mention my lust.
I really am a completely insane person.
One minute, I'm frightened he'll do something to Luke or get wildly furious at me, the next, I'm mad at him for not seeing what I'm saying. Then I'm on the edge of tears because, after everything, he still stayed. And now I'm lusting after him.
"The floors are smart, they make the tiles the perfect temperature to walk on, no matter what time of year. And what does it look like I'm doing?" He pours some salts intothe bath, and a soft scent that's clean like linen on a line in the country wafts to me.
"I can see you're running a bath. Why?"
