Natalie looked away, her gaze fixing on something in the garden.
“It’s really not anything to worry about, Natalie,” Emma said, before Natalie could retreat into whatever calculation she was running.
“And I suppose you knew that all along.”
“Yes,” Emma admitted. “But it doesn’t matter. Not to me, anyway.”
“It’s not that it matters to me, but I just don’t want to hold you back from anything. And that’s before we even get into my life, and what being with me means.”
The words hung between them, heavy with implication. Emma felt her breath catch.Being with me.As if it was a given, as if Natalie had already decided they were going to try this thing that had been circling them for years.
“Are you thinking of coming out?” Emma asked, hardly believing the question was leaving her mouth. She had always assumed Natalie would stay in the careful space she had carved out, private and protected.
“Yes. Definitely. Soon. It’s not fair on you. It’s not fair to me either. It’s something I should have done years ago.”
Emma reached for Natalie’s hand, covering it with her own. “Don’t do it for me, okay? Promise me. Don’t feel like you have to do it for me.”
Natalie’s lips curved into a smile, and she reached up with her free hand to brush a strand of Emma’s hair behind her ear. The touch was gentle, intimate, and Emma felt herself lean into it without thinking.
“I promise. But I do need to do it. I don’t know how it’s happened, but I’ve gone from not even being able to think about doing it, to wanting to, to actually looking forward to doing it. I don’t even think I realized how much it was weighing me down.”
“I can’t even imagine,” Emma said. “Coming out is a big deal for anyone, never mind when millions of people are going to hear about it.”
“Yeah. But it’s part of the job. My business will be everyone’s business. And I’m sorry in advance for pulling you into that craziness.”
Emma’s heart stuttered, her hand sliding away from Natalie’s. The words had been casual, almost offhand, but they carried the weight of assumption.Pulling you into thatcraziness.As if Emma would be there, as if they were building something that would last beyond this morning, this conversation, this impossible summer.
Natalie misread the movement, her expression shifting. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed that you’d want that.”
Emma turned her body to face Natalie properly, the step suddenly feeling too narrow for the conversation they were having. “Look, I know this probably isn’t the right way to do things, but we’ve had so many miscues over the years, and I don’t want any more.” She took a deep breath, tasting roses and morning air. “I meant what I said in the woods five years ago. I’m crazy about you. It was true then, and it’s so much more than that now. I want this. Whatever it looks like. I know we probably won’t see much of each other for now, for a while, but I can’t let you walk away again thinking that I don’t want this.”
There were tears in Natalie’s eyes, bright and sudden in the morning light.
Emma kept her gaze on Natalie, the words spilling out before she could second-guess them. “I don’t want the ten days I’m away to ruin this. I’m sorry that I have to go, but it’s unavoidable. I just have to get everything sorted and then I’ll be back. We’ll still have two weeks together? A little more?”
Natalie nodded, wiping a tear away as it escaped. The motion left a faint shine on her cheek. “Can I drive you to the airport tomorrow?”
Emma felt her eyebrows lift, taken aback by the offer. It was such a simple thing, but it carried weight, like Natalie was already claiming space in the days ahead. “I’m flying from Dublin so… But you can drop me to the bus if you like?” A bit of a smile tugged at her lips, softening the surprise.
“Okay.” Natalie blinked away her tears, her shoulders settling as if some invisible tension had eased. “God, this has been such a strange summer.”
“I know.” The words came out warm, laced with everything they had lived through in these past weeks. Bridget’s empty chair still watched them from the window, but the roses in the garden kept blooming anyway.
Natalie reached for Emma’s hand, her fingers sliding between Emma’s with a certainty that made Emma’s chest tighten. “I have to be honest with you. My schedule is jam packed from September to May. They’re projects I’ve already committed to…”
“And you have another offer.”
“Hmm. I’m not going to take it.”
“Natalie…” Emma started, the protest rising automatically. She had seen the way Natalie’s eyes lit up when she talked about good scripts, the pull of that other life.
Natalie shook her head. “I thought about it in the shower. Yes, it’s a great script, but I just… I’ve spent enough of my life working. I’ve already achieved so much more than I ever thought possible.” She paused, her thumb tracing a slow circle over Emma’s knuckle. The touch sent small sparks up Emma’s arm. “I want a chance with you. I can’t imagine being anywhere else next summer. And before that… I’m going to take every chance I can to see you. Whether that’s in London or Paris or a few nights between commitments. I’ll be flying back here. I want this too, Emma. I should have known how much I cared about you, but it was just easier to call it… I don’t know. Friendship. One sided longing.”
Emma felt a smile bloom across her face, unstoppable. “One sided? That’s why I dropped the hint about having a crush on Trish. I wanted you to know that I was gay. That I found women who were older than me attractive.”
Natalie shook her head in disbelief, a soft laugh escaping her. The sound wrapped around Emma’s ribs, familiar and newat the same time. “And I thought by asking you who the lucky woman you couldn’t forget was, that you’d say it was me.”
Emma was the one with tears in her eyes now, blurring the sharp line of Natalie’s jaw, the way her mouth curved with that mix of wonder and regret. “I was so close to telling you. But it was so soon after the funeral. I just felt… Like I couldn’t.”
