“What do you mean? You must find it! You’ll die without it. Dahlia, your life is worth any price. And not just yours, this will help others, too,” she says, concern and urgency coloring her words.
I place a gentle hand on her arm, my voice soft but firm as I say, “It’s okay. I’ll have to find another way.”
She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t blame you for not wanting to search the mountains anymore. Surviving an avalanche must have been traumatizing. Forgive me.”
Now that I’m back, numbness is starting to creep in. I tell myself that I’m just exhausted and things will look better in the morning. But I can’t help but think they won’t. That, in fact, nothing will ever look better again.
After my third yawn, Tenzig bids me goodnight, and Sita insists on walking me back to my room. After she leaves, I stand by the window, staring across the river, straining my eyes tolook for any movement in the dark woods beyond. Eryon hadn’t even said goodbye, so I doubt that he would be out there, watching me.
The memory of his eyes, silver and luminous, flashes in my mind, as vivid as the first time I saw them on the edge of the forest I’m facing now. I ache to see them again, to know he’s out there, that he hasn’t truly disappeared from my life.
I stare into the night, unblinking, as if my will alone could bring him back so I could somehow explain not just why I need the plant but how I feel about him. But as the minutes stretch on, my eyes begin to water, and with the sting, I realize I’m staring at nothing but the same empty darkness that stands between us now. A great, gaping chasm.
Despite the ache in my heart, the scientist in me powers up my laptop so I can enter my notes. Now that I’ve finally seen the plant, I don’t want to forget a single detail. The real life version matched the description I had found several years ago, but nothing could have explained the beauty of its luminescent blue-violet color.
Although now that I know how the specimen was originally obtained, I see its promise through a different lens. But tonight, my heart isn’t in moving forward. I finish logging the details and then power down my computer, unable to make any decisions without sleep. Hoping things look clearer in the morning, I surrender to restless dreams of endless caverns and elusive silver eyes.
A few days later,I wake to grey winter daylight streaming through the window and the sounds of voices. All I want to do is burrow under the covers, but before my eyes can close again, I bolt upright in bed.
Although it would be unusual for new travelers over winter, that isn’t what is raising alarm bells. It’s one voice in particular that shocks me to my core. I would know it anywhere after all these years.
“Ben,” I hiss.
I crawl out of bed and quickly dress. Goosebumps that have nothing to do with the chill in the air cover my skin as I bundle up in warm clothes, hoping enough of me is covered that even if I do run into Ben, he won’t recognize me.
I have to get to Sita and tell her that he can’t know that I’m here and see if she can suss out just why the hell he is. Sita was wrong. The gods haven’t smiled down on me.
I’m cursed.
Fuck my life, I think as I lace up my boots with their tattered laces that only serve to remind me of Eryon. I wrack my brain, trying to recall if I had told Ben the name of the guesthouse I was staying in. But I must have, because how else could he have found me?
Pulling my scarf up and my hood down to better hide my face, I ease the door open and peek out. The glare of the winter sun on the glistening snow has me squinting, but the coast is clear. I creep to the main lobby and quietly enter.
The air whooshes from my lungs on a startled gasp when I find Ben cozied up next to the fire, sipping a cup of tea. Like he’s been waiting for me. Like he belongs here. Not a flicker of surprise even crosses his face. Instead, a satisfied smirk sits on his lips.
Shit, I was not expecting this. Despite me thinking he wouldn’t recognize me all bundled up, I should have known better. His being at the same guesthouse is no coincidence.
I rip my hood back, pull down my scarf, and clip out, “Ben, what are you doing here?”
“Oh, Dolly. I’ve come to obtain theSilene vitalis,” he sneers.
“Don’t ‘Dolly’ me. I thought I made myself clear enoughwhen I broke your nose. I want nothing to do with you. And I don’t need your help,” I retort.
He lets out a humorless chuckle. “I didn’t say I was going to help you. I said I was going toobtainit.”
My mouth falls open as my mind churns, trying to piece together what he is saying. He’s not here to help me, but he’s here for the plant. Why?
“Well, good to see you, Dolly, but my crew is heading out now.” He repeats the term of endearment with a sneer, just to needle me.
“You’ll never find it,” I say, lifting my chin in defiance.
“Lucky for me, you already did. And unlike your feeble attempt at a one-woman research expedition, I have the backing of not only the university, but a pharma company funding mine. Unlimited money andmanpower. Turns out you stumbled on an enzyme they are very interested in. The drug they will develop will be worth millions. Maybe more.”
“No,” I cry, horrified by the thought of pharma sweeping through Eryon’s caves, destroying his home, his paintings, the heart of the mountain where theSilene vitalisgrows. I bite back my fear for my Yeti, but I can’t help but say, “This area will be ruined. The people, the environment?—”
He cuts me off and says, “You still don’t get it, do you? You could have been something with my backing. Instead you’re nothing but a stupid fucking girl chasing stories instead of science. You should have stuck to plain botany, no one cares about people or culture when there’s money involved.”
I stand frozen, shocked by the sudden turn of events. He knocks into my shoulder as he passes by, spinning me around to watch him leave.
