Where have they been for the past ten years I’ve been looking for love? And where are they now? I don’t even know how I’d get in touch with Gabe again. Luke is like a damn Tsunami, and Stalky Hottie blows in and out like a nor’easter. I can’t wait to get away to Europe just to have an ocean of space between us.
I toss my phone on the end table and fall on my old tried-and-true method of falling to sleep by counting backwards from 333. I picked that number as a little girl as a nod to my angel when I read that it was an angel number. It’s served me well ever since.
Imust be dreaming. Gabe is here, but he has enormous wings and a flaming sword. I reach out to touch the great white feathers, but before I can stroke their iridescent length, Gabe takes my hand and leads me along a path. As we walk, he nonchalantly swings the flaming sword beside him.
The sound of the fire as the sword rhythmically swings is hypnotic. Swoosh, whoosh. Swoosh, whoosh. It fills my consciousness until my heart synchronizes its beat to the sound. Swoosh, whoosh. Lub, dub.
The world turns dark, and everything except the sound of my beating heart floats away. There is nothing here. I wonder if this is my earliest memory of the womb, dark nothingness.
My ears strain to catch the start of a note, like nothing I have ever heard before. The sound builds and builds to a crescendo of an all-consuming symphony that invades every part of my being. I am filled with sound until I feel like I am becoming sound.
I know there is something special to this deafening harmony. Suddenly, a blast of light bursts forth in the unrelenting darkness. Entire galaxies appear, stars and suns and planets flash into existence and hurtle outward, leaving behind the familiar blue planet I know as home.
I blink, and in the strange timeline of dreams, I find myself sitting on a large smooth rock, warmed by the sun. Water trickles merrily by and the dappled shade stipples me with sunlight. The scent of the forest is light and fresh.
I watch the water ripple over stones, forming little currents. I’ve never noticed how beautiful the water is before. How clear and pure, reflecting the light.
I can see every tiny detail, from the veins on a leaf floating by to the small crayfish peeking out from under a rock covered in velvety moss. A shadow falls over the critter, and I look up to see Gabe. Standing next to him is another Gabe.
They look at me and the name Michael comes to my mind, despite no one speaking. As I glance from one to the other, I see slight differences, but they could easily pass for identical twins.
Michael is wearing the sword on his back now, and it no longer shimmers with flames. Gabe leans forward with a smile and hands me a beautiful white lily. They look at me with matching enigmatic smiles as I take the lily and breathe in its scent; the pollen encrusted stamen tickles my nose.
I close my eyes to appreciate the light floral fragrance, and when I open them again, I am startled to find a great serpent curled up on the rock next to me, basking in the sunlight. I eye the endless loops of the body, as thick as my thigh in places.
The snake stares at me with great yellow-green eyes and I find myself leaning into its gaze, falling into the depths of the slit-like pupils. A forked black tongue flicks out, scenting the air. The mouth curves up at the corners in a reptilian smile, triggering me to smile back.
The sudden silence of the forest is deafening, even the song of the merry babbling brook seems to dampen. I continue to smile at the friendly-looking creature, missing the unease that is obvious to the rest of the forest.
I feel lost in his yellow-green depths, enthralled until I could drown. When the serpent lashes out, the shock barely registers. It seems so out of character for its smiling countenance.
I lean back, narrowly missing the strike, and scramble to my feet. Michael steps forward and hands me his sword, again consumed by white fire. I hesitate to take it, but Gabe gives me an encouraging nod.
I reach out my hand and take the blade, surprised to find the handle feels cool to the touch despite its flames, and the weight is comfortable regardless of its enormous size.
Both angels, as I am certain that is what they must be, stare at the snake, and I know in my heart they wish for me to kill the creature. I look between their eyes and back at the yellow-green gaze of the serpent.
Although the sword is light and well balanced in my hand, I feel the gravity of the task I am being asked to perform reverberate into my soul. The shimmering fire licks painlessly up my arm and engulfs me. I feel the power there for the taking.
I look at the great coiled snake, and despite its attempt to strike me, I cannot bring myself to hurt it. Serpents strike, it is in their nature. How can they expect me to kill something just for being itself, as if by fulfilling the very purpose it was created for, it is somehow imbued with evil?
I cannot fault the serpent for being a serpent any more than I can be faulted for being a human.
Just as clearly as Iheardthe name Michael in my mind, I hear him say to Gabe, "She is not the one."
I'm not sure who Michael is looking for me to be, but I want nothing to do with them. I will not deliver judgment. The flaming sword clatters to the rock with a sound like the crashing of great cymbals as I cast it away. I squeeze my eyes tight as I flinch away, and when I open them again, I’m in my bed.
I blink a few times, surprised and yet not by my surroundings. I can vividly recall every detail, from the color of the serpent’s eyes to the weight of the flaming sword in my hand. Rolling over, I grab my phone, shocked to see I’ve slept for hours.
My stomach growls in a loud protest. I have not been able to take care of myself with all this craziness. I need a decent meal and a decent night’s sleep without Gabe and his friend making an angelic appearance to ask me to kill a smiling but dangerous huge-ass serpent.
Part of the dream is easy to explain. Gabe had been my knight in shining armor. But the guy with the flaming sword made no sense. And seeing the start of the universe? That was amazing, but again, not sure where it came from. My brain really pulled out all the stops with that one.
Part of me blames Lilith and her alcohol tower. The dramatic night also added fuel to the fire. All in all, a bad setup.
I need to listen to my body and put in some quality self-care. Despite my intentions to quit living life at high speed, the world just keeps turning, faster than ever. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and into my bunny slippers to pad down to the bathroom.
My mouth feels fuzzy, so the first thing I do is grab my toothbrush and put a nice dollop of toothpaste on it. I start to brush, looking up into the mirror. My mouth falls open and my toothbrush buzzes uselessly as I stand frozen, staring.
