“Mom, if you can’t look at me, I don’t know what we’re doing here. I’m done pretending with Robbie. I’m just done. You and I haven’t had a real relationship in so long, it really doesn’t matter if you want to fully cut ties over the fact that I’m a lesbian.”
She thought it would hurt, saying that. She’d spent years keeping up the illusion of them having a relationship out of the fear of what it would mean to sever the tie completely.
But, as she looked across the island at her mom, she really felt it. The tie was severed. And it had been that way for a very long time.
It didn’t even hurt when she realized it. Because it was over and done with; it had happened so long ago. In fact, it felt – god, it feltliberating.
But her mom’s eyes snapped to hers, and she shook her head vigorously. “Cut ties? I – Juliet,no. I never want that. I… I don’t ever want to lose you. I don’t care that you’re a lesbian.”
For the very first time in too long to remember, Juliet could really see the woman underneath the veneer she’d perfected over the years. And it baffled her. “You don’t?”
“No,” her mom insisted, desperation cutting through her voice, like she believed Juliet was about to throw her out of her house. “I just – if Harrison finds out, he isnotgoing to be okay with it,” her voice was so low, so solemn.
“Yeah, I know,” Juliet scoffed, mirthlessly.
“And – and your contract, with the label. The clause.”
She narrowed her eyes. “How do you remember that?”
By the time she’d signed that contract, her mom had been fairly removed from managing her career. She hadn’t even been in the lawyer’s office when Juliet had signed; Harrison had.
“I found Harrison’s copy of it. After I saw you with Courtney. I just… I was trying to figure it all out.”
Her mom – she’d cared enough to look into all of Juliet’s details. But, “You didn’t ever mention anything to me.”
And it could have made a world of difference. It really could have.
“I didn’t knowhow, Jules.” Her mom’s gaze was wide and a little wild. “I – you seemed content to keep going with Robbie, so I thought…”
“I could have used you. It would have been nice to know that you didn’t hate this part of me.” Thishugepart of her, that informed how she engaged with the world. That made her who she was, that brought her to Darcy.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” Her mom closed her eyes. “I can’t leave Harrison, Juliet. Not for several more years. Cash and Harry – he’ll make it so that I’d never be able to see them. Youknowhe would.”
God.
The shock rushed through Juliet as she heard the strain in her mom’s voice. She knew, just from her mother’s choice of words, that she’d thought about it many times. That she’d weighed what would happen if she did try to leave Harrison.
Her mom wasn’t happy. She felt trapped, too. Her mom felt trapped, and she’d dealt with it by trying to ignore the facets of her reality that she couldn’t change. Maybe Juliet was similar to her mom in ways she hadn’t imagined.
It didn’t make Juliet feelhappy; that was ludicrous.
But it made her understand. And she’d needed that for so long. Longer than she’d even realized.
“Yeah. I do know he would,” Juliet affirmed.
Harrison would make her mom’s life hell if she tried to leave him, no doubt about that. And he’d spend whatever amount ofmoney he had to in order to never allow her to have custody of his sons.
“I know I’ve made mistakes. And I know that there’s not – there’s nothing I can say, now. But I really need you to know that I love you. And Darcy, she seems nice.” Her mom’s words were all tinged with a begging tone, and Juliet didn’t quite know what she was begging for.
For Juliet to not attempt to truly sever ties with her? For Juliet to acknowledge that she knew her mom did love her? For her to understand where she was coming from?
She didn’t know, precisely, but she did know that she could grant all of those asks, for now.
“Darcy is nice,” she confirmed, her lips sliding into a smile beyond her control. Darcy was nice and she was smart and she was honest and she was talented and naïve and maddening and… perfect. “And I plan on being with her, for real, when I’m able to. So… you should know that now, if you want to figure out a plan of how you’re going to try to manage it with Harrison.”
There were still a lot of unknowns in her life, but this – she and Darcy and their future together – wasn’t one of them.
Chapter Forty-Two
