Chapter Six
Alexei stretched his swollen bare feet in his sleeping bag. The sun shone high overhead, trickling through the needles of the trees and the mesh of the tent above him. He had no idea what time it was, and he didn’t quite care.
The list of things Alexei could not indulge in as a child ran long. But as an adult, he did let himself enjoy certain simple pleasures.
Dark chocolate. A hot bath after a long day of work. Not washing new sweatshirts until something dire occurred, keeping that fuzzy inner lining as soft as possible for as long as possible.
But nothing compared, he now knew, to sleeping in.
He hadn’t done much of it in his life. As kids, he and Alina were expected to be up early, regardless of things like “summer” or “weekends,” for chores or church. The habit must have been ingrained into him, because even through college and adulthood, Alexei needed to rise early. To get to the gym, to be one of the first people at the office. To make sure his days could be as productive as possible.
But the trail must have changed something in Alexei already.
Because this? This was the best.
As he lay on his mattress pad and listened to the soft whistle of the wind, he couldn’t quite remember the last time he had felt this good. He didn’t even care that Ben was out there somewhere, with his distracting smiles that made Alexei think delusional things. Alexei didn’t care about plans today. His head felt almost mysteriously light and empty of grief. Filled instead with the slight scent of sage. The physical realities of this very moment. Nothing more, nothing less.
Being still was powerful.
Eventually, Alexei did crawl out of his tent. He stepped into his camp sandals and stretched, a painful, deeply satisfying thing. Ben had been right, now that he had the time to truly catalog his body’s complaints. That day they’d met in Idyllwild had been the height of Alexei’s pain, of his body responding to the sudden, sustained stress of traveling through the desert on foot. He was slowly adjusting, now. He still hurt. But underneath the soreness, his body felt…strong. Alive.
Ben’s tent was empty. Alexei glanced around, more curious than worried, until he saw him, twenty yards away. Butt in the air, face—and iPhone camera—focused on a rock.
Alexei felt himself grinning.
Ben was always taking photos. Of the big things, the vistas and landmarks, but also the small things. Often, Alexei would realize Ben was lagging behind, and turn to see him crouched over a strange bush paces back. Sometimes, Ben would be staring right at the middle of the trail, nothing but sand to see. Alexei would tromp back over to him, and Ben would look up and say, “Dude, look at thisbug.”
Alexei found himself noticing more, too, the longer they hiked together: the colors that dotted a spring desert in bloom, the yellows and pinks that hid among all that brown and beige. His eyes lingered longer in the crevices of boulders, wondering what tiny details lurked there that would please Ben. That Ben would want to study and take a picture of. That Ruby, perhaps, would want to draw.
Presently, Ben stood and sauntered toward where Alexei was still standing, even though Alexi rather desperately had to pee. When Ben looked up from his phone and noticed him, his face exploded in a smile that Alexei worried, possibly, might haunt him forever.
In lieu ofgood morning, Ben held out his phone and said, “Lex. Dude. Look at thisrock.”
Alexei squinted at the photo in the glare of the sun, trying to understand why he enjoyed it when Ben called himdude.
“I’ve been meaning to say”—Ben took his phone back—“thanks for letting me stop so much to take pictures.” A dapple of sunshine surrounded his left eye. “Those other guys I was hiking with before were so into making big miles every day that I felt weird stopping to stare at shit like this, you know?”
“Well,” Alexei said, clearing the sleep from his voice, “now you have all day to take pictures of whatever you want around here.”
“Right?” Ben beamed. “It’s awesome. Except”—he shook his head and put the phone in his pocket—“I would probably kill the battery of this thing in an hour. It’s already almost dead, and my portable charger is all the way dead.”
“You’ll have to reserve it for top-tier rocks only.”
“Exactly.”
Ben tilted his head, examining Alexei for a moment. It felt like Ben was standing at least an inch too close to him. Right? No, like, three inches too close. Four. God, Alexei had to pee. His bladder was super confused about why Alexei was not moving right now and his brain didn’t even have a good explanation. Why could Alexei never walk away from Ben’s face?
“Lex, wait. I don’t know why I’ve never thought about this, but…why don’tyouever take any pictures? I don’t think I’ve seen you take out your phone once.”
“Oh.” Alexei shrugged. “That’s because I don’t have one.”
Ben’s brow furrowed. “You don’t have a phone?”
“I mean”—Alexei grimaced, not wanting to look like a completely out-of-touch human being—“Ihaveone. I just canceled my service for a while and left it home.”
Ben’s jaw dropped.
“You left for months…in the middle of the wilderness…with no way to contact anyone?”
