She blinked up at it, feeling a sentimental satisfaction at how well the tree had done in the year since it had been planted.
“I suppose the truth is that because neither you nor I believe in an afterlife, speaking into the etherat youabout my life seemed like such a waste of time and emotional energy. And perhaps it still is.” She rolled her eyes at herself, a dry laugh working its way out of her throat as she waved her hand. “But the truth is, you’re the only person whose advice?—”
Charlotte cut herself off then because if she couldn’t be entirely honest right here and now, when it was only herself present, then whencouldshe be?
“Whoseapproval, I need. To do what I think I have to do. What I think… what I think I want to do.” Her stomach churned as she admitted to the fact.
As her phone vibrated next to her, the sound jarring against the ornate metal bench in her garden, she nodded at it. With a deep breath, she leaned forward and pressed her fingertips gently to the tree—to the physical reminder of her grandmother left in the world—and nodded as she did so.
All she had left of her grandmother’s were weighty expectations—some spoken, many unspoken but just as heavy—and that letter. She’d never get her official seal of approval for any of her future choices.
Charlotte shook her head as she grabbed her phone.
It was just after seven in the morning, which meant her day was truly underway. She had several calendar reminders—kudos to Maya—and a handful of texts from Autumn, regarding her schedule.
Charlotte didn’t allow herself to review them, though. She knew she’d just get distracted and potentially sucked in, and that wasn’t going to happen today.
Today…
She looked down at her phone, tapping her thumbs against the sides before she bit the bullet and messaged Autumn and Maya.
I’m afraid I’m going to have to call in sick today. Should be a simple rescheduling for most things, let me know if there are any snags. I likely won’t be up for getting any work done at home today, but I’ll be available for emergencies.
For a moment after she sent the message, she paused… before she added:
I hope you both had a relaxing time off from work.
There. She’d done it.
She’d called in sick to work for the first time in… ever. And she was faking sick for theonlytime in her adult life.
Today was, technically, Charlotte’s first day back to work in the new year.
There was nothing pressing on her schedule; she felt it was a kindness for those in her employ to take a day to ease back into the thick of things. In addition, many of the people she had lined up on her docket for meetings were also just starting back in the office today, and Charlotte had learned over the years that many people weren’t quite as ready to jump into work with both feet after a few days off as she was.
Typically, when she was starting back to work after any break, Charlotte wasready. Typically, she’d have already had a jump start, because she didn’t usually volunteer to take time off. Her days off were governmentally required and organized, leaving Charlotte with ample free time.
Which she usually used to the best of her capabilities. There was truly not a better time to delve into an initiative or write a motion or deep-dive into campaign strategy than on days off from work. On these days off, she wasn’t inundated with meetings or bogged down in paperwork or spending entire days in congressional hearings. This was the time she had to really get shitdone.
As Charlotte poured herself a cup of coffee, she thought about how much work she hadn’t gotten done over the holiday break.
No, she hadn’t missed any deadlines, and there wastechnicallynothing she had to do, but there was always something she could be working on. If she wanted to get ahead, if she wanted to keep with the professional plan she’d been steadfastly climbing for the last twenty years, there was always something to do.
Being proactive was the only way to accomplish everything she wanted to accomplish. She knew that.
And yet Charlotte hadn’t done that work over the break.
Instead, she’d spent Christmas with Sutton. She’d seen Dean and Caleb. And then she’d gone to see Sutton for New Year’s. She’d spent the holiday break focusing on… herself.
On her personal life.
She snorted at the thought as she took a sip of her hot coffee.
A personal life was the last thing she’d really thought about, let alone dedicated serious time to, in a long while. If ever.
Which was perhaps why she’d had nothing to say when Sutton had challenged her, three days ago:What does your life look like without that plan in front of you? What will you do with yourself?
She wanted to be angry with Sutton. She so truly did. For devaluing Charlotte’s feelings for her, her words, a declaration she’d meant with every fiber of her being.
