46. Your Madonna Is Way Better . . .
“Okay, so that was intense,” JJ said. We’d closed the restaurant and were sitting at one of the tables sipping wine. It was the first time we’d had the opportunity to talk since Ben had dropped all the multiple bombs.
I took a big sip, hoping it might anesthetize my screaming nerves. “I honestly don’t know what to think,” I said.
JJ took issue with that. “Um . . . what do you mean you don’t know what to think? You should know exactly what to think.”
“What?”
JJ blinked in disbelief and leaned forward. “Honey, that’s a real man right there.”
“Huh?” I shook my head. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Have you ever heard anyone be so brutally honest before?”
“No, but what’s that got to do with it?” I was starting to get pissed off.
“Hello, he’s not perfect and he can admit it out loud—even if he knows it will paint him in a crappy light. And he accepts responsibility for what he did. He admits his fault. Big respect!” JJ said this while holding his glass in the air momentarily as if he was toasting someone, then took a sip. “I’m not sure I could do that. Could you?” He shot me a very loaded look, and I knew exactly what it meant. I knew I also had secrets that I hadn’t shared with Ben. But at least I hadn’t pulled him into a very public lie. I was still not as moved by Ben’s confession as JJ clearly was.
“How much have you told Ben about your past?” JJ asked. “How many times have you failed to mention it so people don’t judge you.”
“So what are you saying? That I should forget what happened and go out with him? A self-confessed cheat?”
JJ shook his head. “No. Not at all. You’ve got to figure that one out yourself, but all I’m saying is that he’s the most real human being I’ve ever met.”
Bruce nodded. “It took guts to do what he did.”
“I suppose,” I said, “but he has an ex-wife and a kid, and he was a bad husband, and he beats people up.”
JJ spoke again, “Oh please! But he also got married at nineteen, and to a mad bitch by the sounds of it. Of course he was a shitty husband. What teenage boy wouldn’t be? God, I could never have settled down at nineteen. Let alone have a kid and be the kind of father he clearly is.”
“So that makes everything okay?”
“No, of course not. But sometimes you have to look at the full picture. Not everything is black and white, Sera. You of all people should know that. Life is full of grey patches.”
I put my head down and slumped forward onto the table, letting out a long and loud moan. “Urrrgggghhhh. But he lied to me.”
“We’ve all told lies to protect ourselves,” JJ said, throwing the rest of the wine back. “He’s also totally mad about you, by the way.”
“And that’s the other thing I don’t get about him. Why? How? He hardly knows me and he claims he’s in love. He’s obviously mad. And I could never go out with anyone who was a lunatic.”
“Love is mental, honey.” JJ tipped his glass at Bruce. “Just ask that one how he fell in love with me?” He smiled at his partner affectionately and I turned to look at him.
“I saw him doing a Cher impersonation at a club,” Bruce said.
“I do a really good one,” JJ piped up quickly.
“You fell in love with him when he was dressed as Cher?” I asked.
Bruce nodded. “On the spot. Love at first sight and I hadn’t even spoken to him yet.” He turned to JJ now. “Your Madonna is still way better, though.”
JJ nodded in agreement. “I know.”
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t ever heard this story before. It had never occurred to me to ask how they met; I just assumed they’d always known each other. “What did you do?” I asked, looking over at Bruce.
“Well, of course I was too shy to speak to him,” Bruce said. “I was this nerdy little accounting student hiding my sexuality, and he was this fabulous, loud, performer who was the center of every single room he was in.”
“Little did he know how much I loved nerdy little accountants.” JJ smiled over at Bruce.
