I was so fucking angry with him, and yet I still wanted him so badly on every physical level possible. We looked at each other and that bubble was back. I felt myself being sucked into it. Further and further and further . . .
The loud honk of a horn behind us made us both jump. The traffic light had turned green and reality came crashing in.
“What the hell are we doing?” I pushed his hand off my knee.
“Sera, there’s something so strong between us. An attraction we both can’t fight, a connection we can’t sever.”
I looked down at my feet. Something was under one of them and I lifted it and there it was. Lying on the floor. A woman’s hairband. I bent over and picked it up. A long black hair was still attached to it.
“It’s been severed, Ben. It’s been severed.” I tossed the hair band over to him, turned in my seat and looked out the window for the duration of the drive. The conversation had ended, there was nothing he could say right now that would fix this.
It was over.
41. The Mafia Or Something . . .
The week was awful.
I had to stare across at Ben all day while listening to how every woman in the office wanted to “F” the living daylights out of him, although Vampira was the only one who came straight out and said it.
On top of that, it seemed like all of our clients had gotten together behind our backs and conspired to brief us all in the same week for their massive campaigns. We had print, radio, and TV ads coming out of our ears, and this meant many meetings. Many meetings with Ben. Many meetings where Ben walked around the room—he never sat in meetings—being ridiculously brilliant, coming up with one amazing creative idea after another while everyone just sat and gawked in awe.
I hated that. I hated having to sit there taking notes pretending I wasn’t hating him, or worse, pining for him.
Ben wasn’t helping the situation either. On Tuesday, I caught him looking at me longingly from his office like he was a dog that had been left out in the rain, and, for a moment, I totally forgot myself and stared back. When I realized that the look had actually encouraged him and I saw him get up and start walking towards me, I quickly looked away. It was incredibly awkward when he got to my desk.
“Sera.”
“Ben.”
Becks was leaning in by this stage. She had been acting strangely that week too. So had Angie, in fact, since coming back from the shoot, everyone had been out of sorts. There was a strange silence for a few moments, which I feared might arouse her suspicious. Ben eventually broke it. “Did you speak to the client about when we can present the radio options?”
“Yes. Yes, I did.” I forced myself to look up at him like anyone else would do if their boss were talking to them. “On Friday morning, at ten. I’m sure traffic will put it in your diary,” I said and smiled up at him like a good hard-working employee.
“Thanks,” he said and started walking away. But then he suddenly turned, “You’re very efficient, Sera. I appreciate it immensely. I really value you.” I saw Becks look up with wide eyes and I was sure Vampira would fly in at any moment. Unfortunately, Angie too happened to be hanging around. I glanced around and could see the eyes looking at me with confusion.
His eyes flicked around and then he quickly corrected, “And, Becks, you too are highly efficient. Angie, also. Very hard working and all that . . . . Um . . . In fact . . .” He looked around, seeming a little strange now. He was using words I’d never heard him use before. “Everyone is doing a superb job. Really impressive stuff. Keep it up.” Weird pep talk completed, he gave everyone a two-thumbs up—which looked odd—and then disappeared back into his office and closed the door. I watched for a moment and saw him curse himself as he sat down and put his head in his hands.
On Wednesday morning, when I arrived at work, I found a bag of M&Ms in my drawer. They had been opened and the blue ones had been removed. There was a little drawing of a sad face inside.
My heart did a few somersaults as I power walked as fast as I could to the bathroom to splash water on my face and take a moment to regroup. After that I went back to my desk, picked up a file and walked to his office.
“Hi.”
“Sera?” He sounded excited. “Come in?”
I shook my head. “Please don’t give me chocolates again,” I said without making eye contact.
“There’s no rule that says I can’t give something to my staff.”
“There is if it’s onlyonestaff member. Please, if anyone finds out, they’ll assume . . .” I trailed off. “Just please don’t. Don’t make this any worse than it needs to be. Please.”
But the next day when I arrived at work he’d given every single person in the office a chocolate. Desks everywhere were covered. I still got a bag of M&Ms and the blue ones had still been taken out and there was another little note.
X, Y, Z
I allowed myself one short glance over at him. He looked gorgeous, and for a small, stupid second, I stared at him, feeling that overwhelming sense of longing building up inside me again. But the longing was soon kicked aside when the anger came bubbling up again. I’d been vacillating between these two emotions for days now, and it was making me feel physically ill.
But something else was going on in the office too—I could feel it. Women can sense things, and I was getting the distinct impression that both Becks and Angie suspected something. They were doing a lot of talking together, they usually never spoke. They also seemed to be looking at me strangely, unless I was just being paranoid.
