I shrugged. “I’m not dying yet.”
“I like having someone steady in my life.”
I nodded without replying and picked up a purple crayon. Paging through a book already on the table, I found a dragon to color and soon lost myself in my art.
I had stopped questioning too much if the reason I hadn't found the right partner yet was because of me. Nothing was wrong with me. I'd had to tell myself that over and over before I truly believed it. It was all too simple; my boyfriends hadn't been the right ones.
A couple of handsome men approached us during the evening. Very let them all know right away that he was taken. I felt a little more awkward when I had to say no to them. But my gut told me I wasn't ready to test the waters and see if my demands as a little, and maybe even a baby little, were too much for them.
Was what I wanted too much to ask for? My inner self kept telling me no, be patient, go easy on yourself. I wasn't desperate. Not yet. Maybe if I was older I’d start to feel anxious. But I was twenty-four. A senior in college now after taking two years off after high school. I had time.
One of the handsome men got me a juice box from the playroom fridge. I said, “Thank you,” but never even took a sip.
Very looked at me with sorry eyes. “If you ever get too lonely you're welcome to come play with me and Daddy.”
“Do you have permission to even say that?”
“Sure. He already told me he likes your look. We do threesomes all the time.”
I looked down at my pink overalls and bare knees. “Tell him thank you for thinking of me. I’m flattered. But no thanks.”
Very grinned at me. “Okay, But you don't know what you're missing. He has a sunken tub with water jets. We could have some fuuun.”
“Sounds nice. And fun. But I’m good. Busy with school and work. You know.”
He nodded. “Well, if you change your mind you always know where to find us.”
I could tell he wasn't pushing, just being nice. Very understood I was waiting for something else to come along in my life. Someoneelse. But I think it worried him that I was being celibate for far too long. This was a kink club, after all. The men who came here had anxiety about stuff like that.
I focused on my coloring again, feeling relaxed and calm. Even if I wasn't finding what I wanted here, I still loved it. The atmosphere. Friends like Very. No one looked at me funny. I could relax and be myself. For me it was like being home.
And that was what mattered most.
2
Preston
My friend Charles met me in my firm’s parking garage. It was almost dark out, the sky beyond the cement overhang a pale pink color that caused a lump in my throat. Why that reaction? I wasn’t sad or depressed. But something inside me felt trapped. Like I’d been wanting to take big breath for a long time but couldn’t.
Maybe tonight had me slightly excited.
We’d made plans to drive to his favorite kink club, once my favorite, too. I’d been there a lot when I was younger. We both wanted to take our own cars and park side by side which was why he was meeting me now.
I wasn’t new to kink at all. I’d dabbled a lot in college and law school. But after I’d gotten a prestigious job at a big city firm, I’d stopped doing that and focused more on my career. I hadn't really found what I'd wanted in a real relationship during my wilder youthful days. But neither had I found it in the vanilla world.
For the past ten years, I’d wandered from boyfriend to boyfriend, never keeping one for longer than a couple months. Something inside me longed for something more than they were giving.
Charles suggested I return to kink. He’d never stopped his kink behaviors and when he discovered I was less than content in my personal life, he kept bugging me to go back.
It was nearly full dark when we pulled into the club’s parking lot. It was as I remembered it. The building was large with no windows. The entrance sported a simple red door. If anyone drove by without knowing the area they would think it was just another warehouse in the downtown district.
Charles walked up to the door and knocked. There was a pause before it opened. Music poured out into the street. The doorman quickly let us in. Always discreet.
We showed our ID's and paid. It wasn't cheap and there was a reason. Once you passed the coat check there was a massive open space with men of all shapes, sizes and ages meeting, talking and roaming about. A bar took up the entire far wall. There was a line of people waiting for drinks. Tables, booths and benches surrounded a large dance floor full of men in various states of dress, all having what looked like a good time.
Memories came back to me. I remembered my first time here. It seemed like the world had just opened up. It was a place where anything could happen with anyone. The excitement was a high better than any I'd ever known.
As Charles and I walked toward the bar, faces turned to stare at the new couple. Gazes lingered on me. I was the only one in a suit and I had already known that might get attention.
