Has Stone always had a freckle on his top lip or those strands of honey in his dark brown hair?
“Han?” The use of my nickname breaks me free of the spell commanding my attention.
“Sorry. What?” I ask lamely.
“I asked what you’re looking for.” Stone is rubbing his thumb into his opposite palm; a subconscious nervous habit he’s had as long as I’ve known him. Huh, maybe I picked that habit up from him.
“Oh, uh, I don’t really know…just that Micah isn’t it. Two nice guys together would seem like setting myself up for a lifetime of conversations likeno, after you. No, you first, I insist. Why don’t you choose? No, really, I’d love to do whatever you want.I mean no disrespect, but that’s why my phone went off so much before I left. Neither of us could decide for fear of hurting the other one’s feelings.”
Stone probably didn’t need to hear all that word vomit, but he got it anyway.
“Sounds like you need someone you trust to call the shots,” he says.
Like you?I want to fire at him, but keep my mouth shut.
“Yeah, maybe,” I say, slapping my thighs to signal the end of this conversation. “But back to you. How are you doing with this revelation?”
“Fine, I guess,” he lies.
“Have you told anyone else?”
“No. Only Logan knows,” he says, staring into the fire.
“Do youwantit to stay a secret? It’s hard to make friends and real relationships if no one truly knows you.”
Stone sighs. It’s heavy and laced with sadness. “I work with all guys. They’re a great group, and no one says anything to Logan’s face, but I can’t help feeling like there’s this constant tension in his interactions with everyone.”
“And you think that tension is because he’s bisexual andnotbecause he’s an obnoxious twatwaffle who doesn’t take anything outside of his helicopter seriously?”
Stone snorts. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“We’ve already established the debacle with Logan was your first and only experience with a guy, and that hardly counts. Learning something this life-changing about yourself can be really intimidating. Why don’t we go out somewhere,noton this mountain, and explore a bit? I’ll be your wingman and help ease you into the dating scene.”
The thought of offering Stone up on a platter for some guy makes me want to vomit, but what other choice do I have? He’s mybrother, for Christ’s sake. If he gets involved with someone, that’s definitely the best-case scenario because this new Stone-shaped attraction I seem to have developed is a big fucking problem.
“I don’t know,” Stone starts, but I interject, really trying to sell the idea—not only to him, but to myself as well.
“Come on, it’ll be a lot of no-pressure fun. Some brotherly bonding. It’s a way I can repay you for letting me stay with you. I have to admit, getting regular sleep has been really nice.”
“I’m not sure where we’d go,” Stone says, clearly uncomfortable with the idea.
But Ineedthis. I need him to agree to this so my brain and my stupid fucking dick get the memo that just because Stone’s into guys doesn’t mean he’s intome.
He can’t be into me.He’s notallowedto be into me. Nor I, him.
Our parents would fuckingdie.They’d never forgive us because while they want us to be close, I can guarantee they definitely don’t want usthat close.
Our friends wouldn’t understand.
Our coworkers would be disgusted.
Our story would forever be tainted by our beginning—a beginning we didn’t even choose—and when people ask, ‘How did you meet?’ what are we supposed to say?
It wouldn’t matter that even if we were to fall in love, it would’ve been long after becoming adults. It won’t matter that we overcame years of hurt, resentment, and abandonment to get wherever it is we’d end up. All that would matter is that we were brothers first. Raised by the same two parents under the same roof.
“There’s an LGBTQ+ friendly lounge-style bar two towns over.” When Stone looks surprised at my knowledge, I wag my eyebrows. “Unlike you, brother dearest, I am not a virgin, and at this point in my life, I enjoy getting laid alot, so I did a little recon before I arrived.” It’s like I’ve ripped the Band-Aid off, and now, my mouth won’t stay shut.
Stone groans and covers his face with a pillow as he flops against the back of the couch.
