The sound of the sliding glass door moving along its tracks interrupts the stillness of the night as my first tear falls. I quickly swipe it away with my gloved hand, wondering how many more times my heart is going to be torn apart on this trip.
“D?” Liam calls, stepping out onto the deck.
Unable to answer, I raise my glass to signal my location because not answering Liam has never been an option.
“Hey, man. What are you doing out here?” he asks, crossing my field of vision to take the chair next to me.
My idiot best friend is out here in sixteen-degree weather, wearing only plaid pajama pants, a gray long-sleeved T-shirt, and slippers. He doesn’t even have a beanie on, for fuck’s sake.
“Liam, where’s your coat? It’s well below freezing,” I chastise.
“You know I run warm,” he says with a shrug. “What are you doing out here?” he asks again.
“Just enjoying the scenery,” I lie.
“At two a.m.?”
“What are you, the Inquisition?” I say sharply before immediately muttering, “Sorry.”
We sit in silence for a couple of minutes before he begins rubbing his arms. Immediately, I stand and pull my parka off, handing it to him. I still have several layers underneath,including another jacket, but the cold will burrow into my bones much faster now that my thickest layer is gone.
Instead of sitting back down, I move to the railing of the deck because breathing was getting harder with Liam right next to me, and I’m already struggling thanks to the altitude. With emotion clogging my throat, it feels like I’m breathing through a coffee stirrer.
But the distance doesn’t help, because Liam follows me.
And places his hand on my back.
I turn away from him, the beginning of a panic attack setting in.Shit, I haven’t had one of these since the night after I got home from leaving Liam in Boston all alone.
“I’m going to head in,” I say, trying to get somewhere private before breaking down. “Goodnight, Li.”
I make it two steps before his voice pierces the darkness.
“Damon Nicholas Landry,” he barks, all traces of his usual happy-go-lucky demeanor gone. My jaw clenches as I halt my forward progress. “Look at me,” he demands as I lose the battle to pretend like everything is okay.
Everything else fades away. It’s just the two of us in the dark on the side of this mountain, the fresh snow glistening in the moonlight. If ever there was a perfect setting for me to fuck up my life, this would be it.
I’m facing him, but looking everywhere except his eyes as I lose the ability to swallow, and he takes a step toward me.
“Why can’t you sleep? Why are you avoiding me? Why did you get so upset when Vox kissed me? For fuck’s sake, Damon, look at me!”
It’s everything.Youare everything.
“It’s nothing,” I rasp, finally bringing my eyes to meet his, hoping beyond all hope that if I can make eye contact, he’ll be convinced I’m fine.
But that plan backfires in a big way when he engulfs me in his arms for the second time tonight. Despite my world crashing around me, my airways open just a little more while in his arms. The tighter Liam squeezes, the easier I breathe.
“The fuck it is. You look like someone just shot you in the stomach and left you for dead.”
That would hurt a helluva lot less than this,I think, keeping my arms firmly by my sides. Ican’tfuck this up. I can’t burden him with my attraction because he’ll feel guilty that he doesn’t feel the same way, or he’ll start overthinking every interaction the way I do.
And that’s fucking miserable.
“Talk to me,” he pleads. “Whatever it is, we can get through it together.”
My forehead falls against his shoulder as I mumble into my own parka. “I don’t think we can.”
“Why?” he asks, slightly panicked.
