“I just…wasn’t expecting it, that’s all,” he says, finally looking at me.
Laughing, I tell him, “Me neither, but it wasn’t half bad, you know?” A wince coasts across his features before disappearing a second later. “I agreed to the second one just to show you that your being attracted to guys isn’t weird to me. I mean, I’d prefer if you didn’t bang my dad, but outside of that, go wild, man.”
Damon sputters on his drink.
“Too soon, Li. Too soon.”
I chuckle, though he’s probably right. Things with my dad are still fucked, and eventually, I’ll need to apologize to Taylor.
The bartender comes over and asks if I want anything, but my stomach quickly tells me no, making me think I seriously miscounted those shots the other night. Damon and I sit in silence, watching reruns of the time trials today on whatever sports network is playing, and intermittent cheers come from Vox’s table.
“I was thinking about getting in the hot tub again tonight. You in?” I ask, breaking our silence. The snow moved out earlier today, leaving another clear night in its wake.
The weather this past week has been pretty incredible. A nice blend of snow and bluebird days. A couple days of overcast skies and temps in the twenties and thirties, with one day hitting forty-two degrees.
“Yeah, sounds good,” Damon agrees.
He took his sport coat off after his first glass of Scotch, and it’s now draped over the back of his chair. His shirtsleeves are rolled up his forearms, and his top two buttons are undone. He looks like he just got done with a day at the office, not like he spent the day out on the slopes, but that’s so perfectly Damon.
He loves to have everything in order. His clothes, his appearance, his finances, his goals. I’m often amazed that he puts up with having me as a best friend because I’m the most disheveled, disorganized person I know.
But this trip has taught me that I don’t want to be that person forever. Learning the truth about my dad and Taylor was shocking as fuck, but as I’ve thought about it more over the last few days, I’ve come to realize I don’t want to run anymore. Not from my dad, not from my mom’s death, not even from Taylor.
In fact, I want to come home.
“I want to talk to you about something.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, more cheers go up, drowning out the last few words of my sentence. “But why don’t we head back to the cabin?”
Damon nods.
I watch as he signals the bartender, pays his bill, and puts his sports coat on first, then slides his arm into his peacoat. His right arm gets stuck, so I hold it open for him. Over his shoulder, Vox sends me a conspiratorial wink, although I don’t understand what it means.
Shrugging into my ski jacket, I follow Damon out of the bar.
Once we’re outside, engulfed by the quiet, still night air, Damon encourages me to continue the conversation I’d started in the bar. “What’s on your mind?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about our talk with Owen and Storm,” I start. “I think I’d like to take you up on the offer to talk with that friend of Taylor’s boyfriend. I mean, I know I have a long road ahead of me, but it’s time I get a plan together. I don’t want to do ghost tours and bay charters for the rest of my life. I want something permanent. Something I can create, build, and watch grow.”
“That’s really good to hear, Li,” Damon says, making my chest swell with pride.
“It feels good,” I admit. “I think I’ve been waiting for someone to give me direction, but I’ve finally realized, direction comes from within. I’ve spent a long time being mad about losing my mom, mad at dad for a lot of things, and most recently, mad at you… And I just don’t want to be mad anymore. I want to take control of my life. I’ve depended on you to keep me afloat for so long, and I need to take that responsibility on for myself.”
“Liam, let me be very clear,” Damon cuts in. “You arenota burden. You are the best fucking thing in my life, and I’m just as dependent on you. We keep eachotherafloat.”
This makes me huff a humorless laugh. “Damn fine job I’ve been doing recently. You seem better than when we arrived for sure, but something is still weighing you down, and whatever it is, I haven’t done a good enough job at making you believe you can tell me.”
Next to me, Damon smiles. “Nah, man. I’m great. I’m just thankful to be out here with you. It’s just…it’s complicated, but it’s nothing you did or didn’t do, okay?”
“If you say so.”
The rest of the walk is silent except for Damon’s labored breathing. Meltdown and our cabin are both mid-mountain,and not terribly far apart, but it’s still an uphill walk at seven thousand feet of elevation, which takes its toll. Especially because Damon and I both live at sea level. However, he sits behind a desk all day, and my job is physical, so I’m struggling slightly less.
“Maybe you should come to the gym with me tomorrow morning,” I tease.
“Yeah, probably wouldn’t hurt,” he answers.
As soon as we get inside the cabin, Damon takes off for his bedroom. “I’m just going to put my swimsuit on. I’ll meet you out there.”
Heading to my room, I do the same, but I’m faster than him because he’s meticulous in hanging his shit back up and replacing his watch on the little travel stand, and God knows what else.
