“Because this is where we go when we’re upset.”
I will my lip not to tremble. “I am upset.”
“I know,” he answers, voicerough, “me too.”
The clearing goes quiet, just the sound of us breathing. There are so many thoughts swirling through my mind, so many things I want to say to him, but I don’t know where to start. It takes a minute before I find it. The beginning.Her.
“When Remi died,” that word getting stuck in my throat, the part of me that still wants to deny she’s gone. “I was lost. I needed there to be a reason, a purpose. Something to explain it. So I started looking, following whispers of power, scraps, and rumors.” I peek at Carrson and find his head tilted, listening. “They all led me here. To you.” I meet his eyes. “You were right, what you said earlier. When I first got here, you were an idea. A person I built in my head.”
I take a breath. “Then I met you.”
His eyes are on me, watching.
“And you were worse,” I say.
That almost makes him smile.
“More complicated. More infuriating.” My voice softens just a fraction. “More real.” I look at the ground again, and whisper softly, “That’s the you I fell for, and I don’t regret it.” I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”
I straighten. “I’d like to tell you I’ll never lie again, but I can’t,” I admit. “I still want power. I want to shape the world until it fits in my hands.” I meet his gaze. “People like us don’t rise by being harmless.”
“I can promise I won’t lie to you. Not ever again. Even when the truth is ugly.” I take a step closer. “But when I’m honest, you can’teverdo what you did earlier tonight. Threaten me. Push me away. Pretend like I’m the only one who breaks rules. That hurt me.”
Now it’s Carrson’s turn to avoid my gaze. “I’ve spent my entire life being trained to see threats. To eliminate them before they get close.” His laugh is sharp. “Then you show up, and I let you in anyway.” His shoulders slump, “When it mattered most, I didn’t know if you were real or just really good at pretending to be.”
That makes me wince because I can’t fully deny it.
“I believed you were lying,” he says, quieter now. “Because it was easier than believing you weren’t. Less risky.” One foot moves, one step closer to me. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I should’ve trusted you and, evenmore, I should’ve trusted how I felt about you.”
“Love is always a risk. It’s the ultimate act of self-sabotage.” I move forward, until our toes touch. “Handing over your heart and hoping it doesn’t get a knife driven into it. Knowing how exposed you are and doing it anyway.”
I look down and realize we’re both still holding our daggers.
His stained red.
Mine still clean.
“Once,” I say softly, “you told me you wanted to mark me. Carve your name into my skin so I’d carry you with me forever.”
His eyes darken instantly.
Standing there with blood dripping off the knife in his hand, I’ve never been more aware of how dangerous he is or how little that seems to matter. I only know that I love him. Want to be with him always.
I hold his gaze as I slide my fingers beneath the collar of my shirt and pull it aside, exposing the skin over my heart.
“The Order. The bond?” I shake my head once. “They aren’t the reason I’m yours.”
Before I can think better of it, I press the dagger to my skin.
Carrson goes still.
Completely.
The blade bites. Pain flares as I drag the knife in one clean curve. It’s a single letter. A symbol of what he means to me.
The letter C.
Blood beads over the cut and flows, a thin ribbon of crimson, down my chest.
