“How long have you known?” I ask, looking at him in disbelief.
“A few days,” he admits quietly.
“A fewdays?” I repeat, bewildered. “Since when?!”
“Monday.”
“You’ve known all week.”
Ryan looks pained. “I wanted to tell you. I was desperate to tell you, but I had to be professional. I was under strict instructions that it was confidential information. Even though it killed me, I had to keep it from you. I’m so sorry.”
“That’s why you’ve been off with me,” I say slowly, putting two and two together. “You could have said something.”
“I wasn’t allowed to say anything to anyone,” he protests.
“Yes, Ryan, but it’sme.You could have trusted me to keep it to myself! You could have prepared me for this! Instead, you were cold and distant, and I assumed it was all my fault. I had no idea what I’d done wrong. And then when I found out this huge news with the rest of the team, you weren’t there and you didn’t even message!”
“I didn’t want to lie to you,” he insists. “I knew I wanted to see you before talking about it.”
“Well, you did lie to me. And now I feel like an even bigger idiot than I did before.”
“I didn’twantto know that information, Harper! I didn’t want Cosmo to have that meeting with me. I’ve felt like the biggestfraud the last few days, having to face everyone in the office and act normally with this huge cloud over my head. I wish he hadn’t told me a damn thing,” he seethes, his eyes flaring with anger.
My blood turns to ice as something else dawns on me.
“Ryan,” I begin, my voice weak and shaky, “did you knowwhowas being made redundant?”
With a pained expression, he shuts his eyes.
“Oh my god,” I say, watching him. “You didn’t just know it was coming, you knew that it was coming forme.Cosmo told you.”
“He didn’t tell me straight out,” he croaks. “He heavily implied that you were the most at risk. But Harper, I didn’t—”
I don’t want to hear any more. I don’t want to speak to him. I don’t want tolookat him. Pushing past, I march down the road as fast as my legs can carry me without breaking into a full-on run. He keeps calling out my name, hurrying to catch up with me, still trying to hold the umbrella over my head.
“Leave me alone,” I cry.
“Please, Harper,” he says, trying to grab my arm, but I shake him off.
“Get off me!”
“Can you just listen to me instead of storming off?”
“Why should I listen to you, Ryan?” I yell, turning to face him and throwing up my arms in exasperation. I don’t care that I’m shouting in public. I don’t care who sees. I’m so tired. “You lied to me! Again! It’s history repeating itself!”
“Don’t say that, Harper. It’s not like that,” he insists firmly.
“It’s evenraining.Just like last time! We’re in some kind of time loop! I’ve got fucking déjà vu! Outside the office where we work, my life falling apart, yours perfectly intact. Days of you lying to my face.”
“That’s not what—”
“I amsuchan idiot. A fucking fool. The kind of person youread about in books and watch in movies who keeps falling for the same bullshit. You’d think I’d learn!”
“Harper—”
“When you got this job, I told myself that I couldn’t fall for you again, that I couldn’t let myself be taken in by you or let myself be tempted by this weird… this weird—” I gesture at myself and then at him “—pull between us. And yet here I am eleven years later inexactlythe same position! You couldn’t make it up!”
“Please, just—”
