“Surely Socrates.”
“One of the two.” He holds up his can. “Cheers.”
“Cheers!” I happily knock my drink against his. “To muddling through.”
Okay, so one of the articles I read about breakups said that making lists can help you to find the silver lining in a stressful and sad situation.
So, here goes nothing.
Things I would have done if Matthew and I were still together:
Got married
Gone on an incredible honeymoon
Returned happy and excited for our future
Things I have done because Matthew and I aren’t together:
Kicked a guy in the balls
Got into gardening and survived an attack by a killer worm
Locked myself in a toilet and consequently been saved by an unexpectedly sexy vicar
Spoken honestly about heartbreak to the charming Chido
Broken out my old “5,6,7,8” Steps routine and victoriously became the last one standing at Obi’s wedding, even though the Steps routine is very cringeworthy*
Debated drink brands on a car journey with a rude, obnoxious stranger
Beaten said stranger in a whiskey competition and won his cuff links
Bravely attended a sten on my own, even though I only really know the bride, the groom, and the aforementioned rude, obnoxious stranger
Drunkenly stole a traffic cone on a sten in Leeds after being egged on by the same stranger, who is now more of an acquaintance
Returned said stolen traffic cone in the early hours of the morning after lying awake racked with guilt
Told the new acquaintance that it was TOTALLY unacceptable behavior
Secretly been proud that I had such guts I never knew of
*Everyone loves it, though, and if they say they don’t, they’re lying and probably work in an independent craft brewery in Dalston so have to pretend to be cool at all times. (Jamie has confirmed he loves the Steps routine.)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ruby
Just booked a last minute bikini wax
I got mine yesterday
Hurt like a bitch
Haven’t had it done since before the breakup
Ruby
