I nod quickly, pretty sure my voice wouldn’t cooperate if I tried to speak now.
“Me too, better than ever.”
“Must be the sea air.” My voice breaks. Damn it.
“No.” He brushes a wild strand from my forehead with his fingertips. “It’s you.”
The next moment, our lips touch and my head switches into standby mode.
We both flinch when there’s a knock at the door. “Hey lovebirds, fancy some croissants? Breakfast in fifteen.”
Louis.
“Tell him six croissants, one baguette and salted butter,” I whisper. Confused, Dayyan raises his eyebrows. “David is somewhere around.”
“Stupid question, sorry.” Of course, he gets it. Smiling, he kisses me, then he answers my brother.
Usually, I hate letting others speak for me. Except for Luca—with Luca, it’s fun. With everyone else, I feel weak, useless, and incapacitated. With Dayyan, it’s different. I can let him speak for me because I know he would never abuse the power I give him. He would never deny me my independence or my voice. My selective mutism was never an issue. Not like it always was with Danny. He was patient, yes, but he still constantly asked me questions that would’ve required long elaborate answers, even when I didn’t have my phone on hand. I can’t count how many times Dayyan carried my phone around for me. Even though I speak with him, he’d never force me to.
“Thank you.”
“Pure selfishness. I’m hungry, but I don’t want to let you go yet.” He pulls me a little closer to him.
His hair tickles my stomach, with every breath his chest presses a little harder against mine, and when we breathe in at the same time, I forget where I end and Dayyan begins.
We have breakfast with Louis and David, with my brother firing thirty thousand questions at us, as if this were notbreakfast on vacation but a cross-examination in a high-security prison. At first, Dayyan was relaxed, but now he keeps looking at me nervously.
I already have my phone in my hand when David intervenes. “It’s enough, Lou. We get it. You’re a great big brother and you want to protect Jannis, but I think the two of them know what they’re doing.”
Wow, that’s a bold statement, David. I have no idea what I’m doing like at all and I’m already panicking big time that Dayyan will eventually realize I’m too much trouble and he’d rather date someone he can fuck without complications.
Who he... what? Can fuck? Did I seriously just think that? God, what’s wrong with me? Is that what I want? Or do I want to... fuck? What if he doesn’t want that? What if we’re not compatible?
“Who’s the top in your relationship?”
My fingers typed and hit send faster than my brain could think. Dayyan spits half his coffee all over his T-shirt, Louis and David look at me in surprise.
My brother is the first to recover.
“So you didn’t listen to me? At the white cross?”
I put on my best “I have no idea what you’re talking about” look and Louis rolls his eyes.
“Okay, I always thought Paps already did the sex talk with you, but fine.” Paps did, but it was about protection, STDs and pregnancy, not... this. “I’m vers, although I prefer to top. David is a bottom.”
“But...” I look back and forth between the two of them, unsure. David is so much bigger than Lou.
My brother gets up, rummages through his suitcase, and returns with a pack of condoms and a tube of lube. “I don’t know how active you’ve been so far, but if you’re not sure, get tested. In the meantime, use these.” He drops the condoms right in frontof my nose and waves the lube around. “And don't skimp on this. At least not at the beginning. If it hurts, it sucks.”
David doesn’t seem to entirely agree, shrugging his shoulders somewhat indecisively.
“Um, thanks.” Dayyan has recovered and pulls both toward him. “When we’re ready, we... What are your plans for today?”
Louis and David exchange a quick glance. “First to the beach, then a nap, then to the pool.” If nap means sex, maybe we shouldn’t be in the mobile home. “And you two?”
“Nothing planned yet. First, a shower.”
David grins knowingly, even though I didn’t mean it that way. Or did I? Do I want that? Fuck. Dayyan must have seen the panic in my eyes, because he puts his hand reassuringly on my thigh.
