“Where were you?” Luca is still lying by the pool when I come back.
“Out.”
“Oh. I noticed that much, thanks.Wherewere you?”
“Out.” Even though I know this answer will drive him crazy, I can’t tell him the truth.
“Okay, you asked for it.” He demonstratively takes his phone out of his pocket and starts typing on it. I don’t ask what he’sup to, it’ll happen anyway, and some things I’d rather not know about in advance. I don’t need that stress.
Around 8:30 p.m., the doorbell rings. Papa and I exchange surprised glances and Luca grins smugly to himself as I hear Paps laughing in the hallway.
“What a surprise! We thought we wouldn’t see you until next week. Come in.”
“Ah, looks like there’s a little brother emergency here.” Louis’s voice echoes from the hallway, and if looks could kill, my little brother would be history by now. Papa looks at me intently and Luca grins mischievously. I don’t have the time for this shit, I really don’t.
“Hello, little brother, everything’s okay?”
“Everything’s fantastic.” My voice is a little too sweet, but I don’t care.
“I thought we’d go for a walk and find a nice spot to watch the sunset.”
“Oh, that’s a lovely idea. The weather is perfect today, it’ll be spectacular. Shoo, shoo, get out of here!” I love Paps’s enthusiasm. Five minutes later, we’re sitting in the car.
“You guys realize why Paps wanted to get rid of us so quickly, right?” Luca asks in his usual dry tone. Louis doubles over in laughter in the driver’s seat, and I wonder if it might be safer to pull over until he calms down.
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me you’re joking, Jannis. You’re usually not this slow.” By now, tears are streaming down Louis’s cheeks and I’m feeling increasingly stupid.
“The two of them are looking forward to a round of undisturbed sex on the kitchen island,” Luca speculates. “Or in the pool.”
“Oh, the pool is a good one.” My brothers laugh and throw out all kinds of places where our fathers could have sex.
The mere thought is overwhelming. Maybe because I’ve never had sex, I don’t know.
“Who do you think is top and who is bottom?” Luca asks excitedly.
Without ever having thought about it, I think I know the answer.
“I think Papa is top.” Luca answers his own question so quickly and confidently I briefly doubt myself.
“Why do you think that?”
Luca rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. “Papa is broader and physically superior.”
Louis smiles as he parks the car. “How does it fit with your theory that David is a bottom and I’m the one topping?”
I’m trapped in a box with too much information. How the hell do I ever get out of this?
We walk the same path I walked with Dayyan last week, only about three times faster. We have to, or the sunset will be over before we even reach the white cross. We’ll probably need flashlights on our way back down.
It feels strange to stand with my brothers in the place where Dayyan was in my arms last week. I miss him. In that same second, I realize what I’m thinking. Fuck. No. I try to erase the thought or replace Dayyan with Danny, but it’s not working.
The sky in front of us is fiery red when I give up. Just for today, tomorrow I’ll keep fighting. For today, I’ve lost.
“Luca said something’s wrong with you, but you won’t talk to him.” It’s pitch black around us, only the moon lights up our surroundings so we don’t sink into complete darkness. “His guess is, you’ve fallen in love with the new boy in your class and something’s not working out.”
“Dayyan isn’t the problem.” My answer leaves my mouth too quickly and too defensively, and I can see from my brothers synchronized raised eyebrows that neither of them believes me. But it’s true. He hasn’t done anything wrong so far.
