Huh? What is she talking about? “No. Actually, it is. What do you mean?”
She looks down at me with a frown. “Never mind. This way.”
After biology class, I hurry to the bike cellar as quickly as possible. I want to wait for Jannis, and my heart leaps when I see his bike still next to mine.
It takes a while for the heavy door to open and Jannis to come toward me, lost in thought.
“Hey.”
He flinches in surprise, then turns around frantically. “Hey. What are you still doing here?”
“I was waiting for you.”
His head falls to his chest. “Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I want to ride home with you.”
“Is that so?” A slight smile lifts his lips and for a moment he looks me in the eyes. “Aren’t you fed up with me already after this morning?”
I don’t understand anything anymore. Okay, yes, he was different and I definitely have questions, but fed up? “Why? Was that a strategy? Do you want to get rid of me?”
Stunned, he looks at me and shakes his head. Suddenly, a door locks loudly behind us and Jannis startles in surprise.
“Oh, you’re still here.” Jannis freezes at the first word. I didn’t recognize the voice, but now I see a big, burly boy from our class. An unpleasant grin plays around his mouth as he walks toward us.
“We were just about to leave.” I grab my handlebars with determination. I don’t know what this guy wants from us, but I don’t want any trouble. Not on my first day of school. Not as a young man with an immigrant background. I don’t need that label.
We ride side by side in silence until we reach the dragon meadow, then I can’t stand it any longer. “What happened today? And don’t bullshit me.”
I slow down and look at Jannis, but he just ducks his head and keeps riding. I don’t get an answer until we stop in front of his gate, where he frantically types something into his phone.
“Later, okay?” says a computer voice, and Jannis looks at me pleadingly. Then he types again. His hands shaking. “I’ll explain, I promise. Can I pick you up at three?”
Why isn’t he talking? I recall the morning and realize he hasn’t spoken a single word. Except in the bike cellar, when were alone.
Even someone with little empathy would recognize how desperate Jannis is right now, and I nod. My answers can wait if he needs to calm down first.
Chapter 11
Jannis
Fuck. I underestimated this whole situation; I should’ve talked to him before, when we were alone. Now I’m standing in the school’s office, and even though everyone there knows I communicate with my phone, Dayyan doesn’t. He thinks I’m completely normal. But there are too many people here, I can’t possibly speak, and if I use my phone... yes, why the hell am I using my phone? He’ll want an explanation, but just the thought of discussing this at school makes my chest tighten.
Somehow, I keep my head above water by shaking my head and nodding. Pointing is also very popular right now. And Dayyan? He looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Completely understandable when someone you’ve been talking to normally for almost seven weeks suddenly starts acting like a monkey.
“Can you tell me where I need to go?” Ah, damn it. Dayyan has biology. What I’m about to do takes all the courage I can muster. I send a quick message to Valérie. Val also has biology and could take Dayyan with them. Of course, only if V is willing to do me a favor. The probability is 50/50, which is at least 25% higher than with anyone else in my class. Besides, I only have V’s phone number and I’m not in the class chat.
The answer comes immediately. “That’s fun, I’m good enough for such services now.” Nevertheless, less than ten seconds later, Valérie is standing at our table to help me and accompany Dayyan.
“See you later?” He was practically out the door. Fuck. I slowly shake my head. Not because I don’t want to see him. I do want to see him. But I’m sure he’ll ask questions, and I’m scared shitless of what will happen if I answer them honestly.
To escape my thoughts, I send another message to Val. “Thanks, owe you one.” I don’t get a reply, but I didn’t expect one.
Being alone has always been part of my reality. Not having any friends of my own. Always being the tagalong in a group of friends who don’t really know me. It’s different when I’m out with my brothers, but they’re family. I was always okay with that, even after Danny’s death. Back then it was rather hard for me to tolerate anyone but my family, and I have to admit, Val had to put up with more shit than was reasonable. But now with Dayyan... there’s this overwhelming fear that things between us fall apart when he finds out that I’m... different, complicated.
My chest tightens at the thought of sitting alone in the schoolyard waiting for him. Not talking and laughing with him anymore. I don’t want to lose him.
As a friend. Not more. Just as a friend. I don’t know why my heart is beating so fast. I love Danny. Danny. I don’t even know if Dayyan is into guys. It’s completely irrelevant anyways. Absolutely out of the question.
