Maybe all of hisspecies has, but not mine.
That thought sends ice racing along my skin. How have I not realized this yet?
I'm not human. Not really.
I'm going to have to relearn my body or I'm going to keep hurting myself. And others.
I'm going to have to help a bunch of women as they make similar transitions, though who knows what their specific burdens will be. Finding them and keeping them safe feels impossible and it's just the first step to what I need to do.
I don't even know how to figure out my own changes.
That thought makes me realize the ache at the roof of my mouth is probably another incoming metamorphosis.
Fuck.
I don't want another change in my life.
My heart's pounding and my head's spinning just thinking about all that needs to be done. All the things I can't control.
I don't even notice Thivoll's in front of me until he speaks.
"Being in here isn't helping you."
I'm not sure what to say, so I just shake my head.
"I can't cage you. I tried to convince myself I could, but it wouldn't be right. There's still plenty of night left. Would you like some fresh air?"
I clear my throat to remove all the gunk tears and panic left in it.
"Yes."
We walk side by side to the cave exit and I take a deep breath. I appreciate the olive branch and I want to meet him halfway.
There's no actual need to go out into the night.
"I could just get fresh air here."
"Alright."
He sits back on his haunches and looks out. From the way he's scanning, I can tell he can detect details I could never pick out. All I see are the moonlit tops of trees.
Even those are vague.
I don't know what to say to him, so I just sit down, cross my legs and soak in the night. The calls of nocturnal animals and the cacophony of bugs is muted from up here, but still plenty loud.
More stars than anyone could ever imagine dot the sky.
This is what it must have been like back before we polluted Earth. I never thought much of only being able to see a few stars.
Looking out now it strikes me just how unnatural it was.
Safer. But not natural.
Thivoll's breathy whistle pulls me out of my musing. When he does it a second time I know he must have picked up on a smell he doesn't like.
"What is it?"
"There's a prey male upwind from here. He must be close."
