ALEX
Walkingdown the hallway to the kitchen I couldn’t ignore the emptiness that had enveloped me. Less than twenty-four hours, that is how long it had been since Sadie moved out. Why did it feel like a week, no more like a month, instead of a day?
I set a bag of take-out on the island and looked around. Everything seemed so empty without Sadie, Achoo, and Eeyore. It felt cold and sterile.
They’d only been here for four weeks. In that time, Sadie had imprinted her DNA on every inch, every corner of this penthouse. There wasn’t a room that I walked into that I didn’t see her in it.
After Ash and AJ died, I never went back to our two-bedroom, first-floor apartment south of Market. That day was almost five years ago. The anniversary of losing my wife and son was also Lexi’s birthday. Every year, I thought it would get easier. Time heals all wounds and all that. But so far, it hadn’t.
It was hard to celebrate on that day, so I ended up disconnecting. It was the only way I was able to make it through. I felt horrible that each year on Lexi’s birthday, I was a shell of a person, but it was either shell or a breakdown. I chose shell every time.
My phone rang and I picked it up when I saw that it was Mia.
“The background check came through on both candidates and they both look stellar. Either one would be a viable option.”
I remained quiet. We’d narrowed it down to two candidates, both seemed like decent choices but neither one was Mrs. G or Sadie.
“I think you should choose Camilla. She seems the most maternal, Lexi likes her the most, and she speaks three languages.”
Camilla Morales was originally from Spain. She was twenty-eight years old and had been a nanny since the age of sixteen. She spoke Spanish, English, and French. I’d always wanted Lexi to be bilingual and Camilla had taught several of the other children she’d cared for both French and Spanish.
“Fine.”
I was lowering the phone from my ear when I heard Mia say my name. “Alex.”
I lifted the phone back to my ear. “What?”
On the other end of the line, I heard her take a deep breath. For a split second, I was sure that she was about to resign. Mia had never seemed unsure or hesitated to speak to me. That was part of what made our relationship work. She was blunt, to the point, and not afraid to tell me what she was thinking.
For the past year, I’d been considering giving her shares in the company. She wouldn’t be an equal partner, but damn near. She deserved no less. Now I feared that she was about to hand in her resignation. I knew that other companies scouted her. I also knew that she’d never entertained any other offers. But if that was what was happening now, I was ready to give her anything she wanted not to leave.
I didn’t know what I would do without her.
“What?” I asked again when she didn’t speak.
“It’s none of my business, but I’m going to say it anyway. I didn’t know Ashley all that well—"
Hearing Mia say Ash’s name hit me square in the gut. I rarely ever heard people say her name. Hearing it knocked the wind out of me.
“—but I do know that anyone that loved you the way she did, would want you to be happy. She’d want you to live life to the fullest. She wouldn’t want you living in the past. She’d want you to have a thriving, happy, life. And she’d want the same thing for Lexi. You can still have a life…”
As her voice trailed off, I opened my mouth to tell her that she didn’t know what she was talking about. That no one did unless they’d gone through what I’d gone through. Ash hadn’t just been my wife and the mother of my children she’d been my best friend. My world. My life.
And I hadn’t just lost her, I lost AJ. My son. The person I’d built this empire for. My shadow. My little man. The person who was going to carry on my legacy. I’d never teach him to drive a car or ground him for sneaking out or having a girl in his room or see him go to prom or high school graduation or get married. Or anything. Because he was gone and I was still here.
It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. Why would I want to risk, no invite another tragedy into my life?
When I didn’t respond, Mia cleared her throat. “I’ll send the contract to Camilla.”
The line disconnected and I set my phone down and leaned against the counter. I tried to take a breath, but the wind had been knocked out of my lungs, just like it had been when I’d been trying to put the star on top of mine and Ash’s first Christmas tree and I slipped off the ladder and fell flat on my back.
I remember looking up and seeing her hovering above me, her hand covering her mouth, and then she cracked up laughing. She said that I looked like a cartoon character with my arms and legs flailing in the air.
My mouth pulled up in a smile as I remembered how she’d laughed so hard she’d peed her pants, which she blamed on being eight months pregnant.
Her laughter was contagious. Her light was contagious. Her love was contagious.
“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Lexi appeared out of nowhere and startled me.
