I didn’t reply, unsure how to respond.
I still wasn't certain that I would ever get used to that feeling of having so many emotions alive inside of myself. I had had emotions when I was very young, or at least, I believed I did, but then–as I thought that thought, I realized that I actually had no idea about what being a human really meant. I started to regret everything, and I found myself double and triple checking things. I shed a few tears on the grave as I buried the dead soulless, thinking about how horrible death was. I realized that I needed to gain control of my melody, control of myself. Showing such weakness wasn't okay. How had Shad been able to go through life without bursting into tears or convulsing within allthe emotions? It had to have been easier for him, having had a melody for the entirety of his life.
He must be able to handle it better,I thought.
Gradually growing into those emotions seemed a better way to grasp the sensitivities of a new soul, but I didn't have the luxury of waiting, of going slow, so emotions and feelings and desires continued to fire at me without warning.
Aiden walked up the steps, nodding to me. I turned and walked back down them without a word. The basement was still dark; I assumed that Kara, the only other soulless there, other than Aiden, was fast asleep. I saw the body wrapped in a blanket and tied as always, and I motioned for Aiden to take the feet as I took the shoulders and head.
We walked out the back door and down a trail until it ended. There, spread out for what seemed to be a mile, were graves. All unmarked. All were my people—dead. One part of me knew that it was best, it was best that they would never hand over their souls over to the corruptor, and that it was their fault for being on the wrong side of the war in the first place. But another part of me, the part that I thanked the melody for, clenched its teeth and tried to hold back the tears because of so many lives lost.
Could it all have been prevented?Could there be a better way?I wasn't sure. My melody was blurring all of the lines of morality that I had set for myself and all of the plans I had carefully constructed.
“This is Peters; he was from Sorra,” Aiden said as we swung the body into the grave and started piling on the dirt. It took about fifty shovels full of dirt from both me and Aiden before the job would be complete. I counted, trying to numb myself from the emotions swirling inside me.
“TheSorra? That is rare. I have rarely stumbled upon a Sorran in my life, only you, actually.”And that useless Ten, who I hoped had already died.
“That is what he said. Although near the end, he wasn't making much sense.”
I looked at Aiden and wondered how much longer he, and his friend, Kara, had. I wondered what he had done to corrupt his own soul. I could not remember taking his soul, which only meant that he must have been from one of the larger groups of corrupt. When the graves were covered, our dead Terran buried in the earth, we set our shovels down outside the door.
“Do you want a ride to school today?” I asked as we walked up the steps to the main living area.
“Sure,” Aiden shrugged as he pulled on his backpack. I walked to the bathroom and washed my hands. I looked up at myself in the mirror. My nose had indeed healed rather nicely. As I looked at myself, I thought,I could very well pass for my brother. What a good thing that would be to get Emma close to me, although, hopefully, not so close that it would upset her too much.It would be a shame if she punched me in my noseand caused the crookedness to again own my face. I smiled, for even though it would hurt, Emma had a fire in her that I so longed to see unleashed, and even if my nose was a casualty of her wrath, I was in.
Chapter ten
As I walked across the campus, I could feel the worries that filled her soul as she made her way to her next class. She seemed to be excited to see my brother in her math class, and yet she was also worried about it at the same time. The hatred she harbored for me had become full and deep. I feared that the hate would feed the monster inside of her and would become pure corruption, and then that she might give her soul over to the corruptor. Her soul was so strong—so powerful, I could only imagine what kind of horror the corruptor could create with it. I tried to block her melody as she revisited her memories with Shad–when she first met him, when he went to her work—I rolled my eyes—My brother really had his claws in deep; it would take a lot of work to pull them out.
Has it really been that recent, just weeks ago?I heard the question within her soul, and, yes, it did seem like time had moved rather quickly after our ordeal in the cave. So many things had changed. I had moved into a house quite near to her and had been able to pay even more careful attention to her, whatever she did, wherever she went. Her melody continued totransmit so loud that it caused mine to reach out and attempt to caress it. Our melodies moved around each other, almost like some synchronized dance, and I let out an audible sigh as the movements thrilled me and put me at ease. Lost in the dance, I didn't fully notice where she was until she bumped into me. She looked up with her eyes fixed upon my face. I watched as her eyes grew wide with a powerful realization, and the green hue within them seemed to light up the darkness of the hallway.
Green eyes?They seemed unfamiliar, but I pushed that thought away.
It was her—the girl; it had to be. There was such an undeniable pull.
My eyes were never as golden as Shadrict’s; more of a brownish color, and I wondered if she would notice that right away. She kept staring, her feelings and emotions buzzing inside of her like a hive of active bees, getting ready to attack an enemy. But I wasn’t her enemy—I would make her see that—we could become a team; I could be the smoke that calmed her emotions and worries and lull her into a peaceful sleep. I saw an image of her in my mind, which floated from her melody—she imagined reaching her lips to touch mine, and I almost reacted, almost bent my head down to steal a kiss. I had no idea why I didn't just take what was mine like I always had, but my melody; it was making me soft, and if I harbored any hatred toward my melody, it was because of that. Emotions made me weak. I did not like feeling weak.
My love,I finally spoke with my soul.
She stepped back as if to better assess me. I made sure to style my hair just the way Shadrict had always done his, and I picked a darker grey suit that was similar to one of the suits that I knew Shadrict owned.
Did my ruse work?
But, she was starting to doubt that I was my brother. She examined my facial features and my clothing.
I waited for the verdict. Would she believe I was my brother?
Shad? It is you; it is my Shad,her melody spoke. Those words, reflecting inside of my soul, melted me a little, and I tried to move the emotions around so that all the feelings that I was then feeling would not make me do something I didn't want to do. I never had to worry about things like that before—but I had become compelled to do so many unusual things because of my melody. I needed to be sure that I was strong enough to control it. But looking into her green eyes again, they were so vibrant and she was so full of light, that my emotions boiled over whenever I was near her. That girl had always called out to me; she had to know me—she had kept me alive so often. Her eyes had brought me the hope and peace that I would escape my prison one day, and that, someday, I would find her. She was supposed to be mine; she just didn't know it yet.
“How?” she asked. I watched her lips as she formed the word, mesmerized by them and wanting to reach out and touch them.
Are they as soft as Shadrict thinks they are? I wanted to know first hand. His memories flooded through me, and I shoved them back, not needing to confuse myself anymore with his desires, mixing with my own.
“This cannot be real.” She paused, and then I could feel the rage and hatred that bloomed inside of her, like some sort of all consuming monster. She quickly tapped it down, placed it inside of a cage, and locked it up.
Is it that easy?Can I just bottle up all my useless emotions and place them into a box inside my soul as she just did with that monster?If that was possible, I could have an easier time just being myself and not acting like my brother in so many situations—and not becoming tied down with his feelings.
“I have missed you, sweet,” I said softly. “It has been agony being away from you.” I tugged on the shoulder straps of her backpack, not able to resist the need I had to have her even closer and touching me. She smacked into my chest, and my arms wrapped around her. The feeling of her in my arms was better than I could possibly have imagined. I had never held someone before—never touched anyone in that way. Her affection for me was radiating from her in waves, and I wanted to stay inside of that moment for the rest of my existence. With Emma, maybe I could be the kind offree, the kind ofmanthat I had always wanted to be—powerful, yes, but something else as well. It seemed to me that with her in my arms, I could do anything. I was stronger, but also the hum of my melody made me feel weaker at the same time, weak enough to give in to her. She looked up at me, her smile bright and just for me—well, really for my brother, but I pretended that it was for me; his soul was mine after all.
