I stayed in his arms, silently crying.
He held me until the tears had stopped and my breathing slowed.
In the agonizingly intimate silence, he murmured, “You said I ripped feelings out of you. What do you feel, baby?”
I swallowed back another round of tears.
“I hate you.”
I hate you for making me love you again.
37
ZANE
Now
* * *
“He’s smiling again. There’s nothing about reviewing a contract that should make you smile like an idiot.”
I knew Dan was talking about me, but I didn’t bother acknowledging him. If I stayed focused on the paperwork in front of me, I’d be able to squeeze in a few minutes with Maia before I had to leave.
Picturing what I could do with those few minutes was what had me smiling.
I could text her now and tell her to be ready and I’d walk back into the room to find her on her knees or on all fours on the bed. Or I could give her no warning at all and pretend to have found her trespassing in my room and take her by force.
I knew which she’d prefer.
“I’m telling you. Gotta be drugs. No one is this happy through legal means,” Charlie drawled, clearly teasing.
“Yeah,” Kelly sighed. “A drug named Maia. He might be better off with a substance addiction.” Kelly sounded grumpy and spoke louder than the others, making absolutely sure I could hear him.
It had been days since I’d done fire play with Maia. It was all such a blur, I’d lost track of exactly how many days, but they’d been…good.
More than good.
To know I hadn’t spent years pining for something that couldn’t live up to the memories had settled something within me. Even if she’d never wanted what I did, she felt more than she was willing to admit. Maybe it wasn’t enough for a future, but trying to force a future on her was what blew it last time. If now was all I had, I’d take it and deal with the fallout when it came.
“Drop it, Kelly,” I said, without looking up from the contract.
“I’ll drop it when you pull your head out of the sand. You’re lying to yourself.”
Dan and Charlie looked uncomfortable and stayed out of it. Even if they didn’t know the full extent of why my relationship with Kelly was different, they knew better than to get in the middle of it when we fought.
“Why are you so convinced it ends badly? I’m not a kid anymore.”
I slid the document over to him and he signed it without reading anything. Maia wasn’t the only one who could act like a brat.
He glared. “Do you want to know what she was doing before you showed up the other night?”
It had been days and he hadn’t mentioned what he thought he’d seen, so I hadn’t pushed the issue. It wasn’t really his business and it was fucked he was bringing it up in front of Charlie and Dan.
I laid my hands flat on the table, taking a deep breath. “You sure you want to force this conversation with an audience? Because I’m not the only one who’s lying to myself.”
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“I think your real issue has less to do with what she was doing before I showed up and more to do with whatyouwere doing before I showed up. You think I didn’t see?”
