I planned to avoid looking out the window in case she caught sight of me and bolted, but physically couldn’t stop myself from taking a peek.
God. Damn.
Maia extended two long legs out of the car and stood in front of the security guy wearing a dress that was basically a sex act.
If my read on the security guy was right, he wasn’t happy about the situation, but I didn’t know if that meant Ophelia warned him there were games afoot or whether he just worried about his girls that much. It was a helluva responsibility when they were trusting him to keep them safe.
I was sure he was an expert at diffusing situations without resorting to those giant fists because of the type of clientele they usually catered to. Punching the rich and famous didn’t usually end well.
But I still wondered if he’d take a swing at me before the night was done.
I wasn’t setting out to hurt Maia, but it was going to take some serious convincing to make her believe that after everything we’d been through.
What the fuck was I doing?
Something. I was doing something about what a lonely, miserable piece of shit I was in spite of all the accolades and success and praise.
I wanted the comfort of connection, of another human touching me. The connection without the stress of attachment. I wanted to be the guy who could just take what I wanted and move on with my life. I should’ve been able to hire just anyone to do the job since casual hookups were out of the question with fame. Lots of guys I knew did it anyway, but it wasn’t worth it to me to wonder if they were just fucking me because of my job.
But I couldn’t just hire anyone. I’d hate myself afterwards and probably cause the very spiral I was trying to prevent.
I didn’t want this with just anyone. And that was the problem. It had always been the problem.
Now that I could see the pattern in my life, the number of times I’d done things because I thought she’d be there or I thought she’d see…it was pitiful. But maybe this whole time I’d been making it about the wrong thing.
She didn’t want marriage and a white picket fence, but that was fine because I couldn’t even offer her that now unless she wanted to sit in one of my houses all by herself while I was gone all the time. But I could offer what I was pretty sure she still wanted from the way she reacted at my brother’s house.
I heard theclick-clackof heels coming up the steps to the plane and the subtle sounds of her moving around. The security guy was still up there with her, so I sat perfectly still, watching the window for when he’d leave.
I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head for the hundredth time.
The apology for the song, admitting I never really expected her to put the pieces together, far less for it to hurt her. I needed to get the important parts out first before she ripped the blindfold off and stopped listening.
We’d both fucked up, but there was no reason we couldn’t move past it all and still appreciate the fucking wild chemistry between us.
I was in no place for a relationship, didn’t have the ability to be emotionally available for anyone when all my energy would be focused on getting through the tour.
But I needed that reminder of what was possible with another person, what my fucking music was all about.
If I could strip back all the layers of bullshit and tap into what inspired those songs in the first place, maybe I could find joy in the music again.
Or maybe I’d get knocked the fuck out by the burly dude currently descending the steps of my plane. He turned like he knew I was watching him and gave me a nod that some people might’ve mistaken for polite deference, but I saw it for the promise it was.
Maia was sitting up there waiting for me with a blindfold on. I’d gotten exactly what I wanted and she was here. I’d be able to get at least a few sentences out. But I couldn’t make myself walk to the front of the plane.
If she shut me down, it was over.
I had to stop obsessing about her and move on.
Could I handle that right now?
Only one way to find out.
I walked to the front of the plane bracing myself to see her up close in that sinfully sexy dress. I was jealous of the hypothetical dude she’d come here ready to impress because she sure as shit wouldn’t have put that on for me.
I ducked under the doorway that led to the front cabin and every single carefully rehearsed word in my brain was annihilated.
I’d braced for her in the dress.
