“I don’t know, just seems to me you’re making your life a lot more complicated than it needs to be, Gia. No offense.”
“None taken.” I knew I’d wandered out to the barn for a reason. I’d hoped for a little peace and quiet, but Johnny was helping me find clarity. “I’ve felt that way too, lately. I got into this business because I thought being an ‘influencer’,” I said, making air quotes around the words. “Would be fun and exciting. I’d grown up here, and only left to go to college, a few hundred miles away. Maybe I was bored with small-town life and wanted some adventure. Shooting videos, taking pictures, and posting them online seemed easy, risk-free. Like I could add some excitement to my life without taking any real risks.”
“That’s understandable, I guess.”
“It’s sad, that’s what it is.” I sighed. “While I was here playing make-believe Joel was out there living, experiencing real life. Going on safaris, visiting the natural wonders of the world, learning about different cultures, and…” My shoulders slumped. “And I guess I just feel like I missed out on a lot. Staying here, living in my comfort zone.”
“Don’t downplay what you’ve accomplished. You’re a celebrity around here. A best-selling book, TV show, huge social media following.”
“Yeah, but I haven’t really been living.” I didn’t expect poor Johnny to understand me. I barely understood myself. But there was this gnawing feeling that I’d really messed this life thing up, so far.
“It’s not too late. You’re still young. Whatever you want to do, do it.”
I didn’t feel that young. I wasn’t twenty-two anymore. Hell, I was looking at that decade in my rear-view mirror, but I still didn’t feel like a grown-up. “By this time, I thought I’d have it all figured out, you know? A home of my own, maybe be married, with a couple of kids.”
He tugged his ballcap off and scratched his head before replacing it. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you already married, with a pretty amazing place to call home? The only thing missing is kids, and y’all can have those any time you want…” He blushed. “I’m assuming.”
I smiled to let him know he hadn’t overstepped. “You’re right. I do have everything I ever wanted. And you’re also right that I over-complicated my life with a bunch of stuff that doesn’t really matter. Trying to build a multi-million-dollar business…” I rolled my eyes. “Who the hell needs that kind of money to live a good life out here, right?”
Johnny smirked. “I probably won’t make that much in my lifetime, but I’m still happy. Working with Mr. Wheeler taught me to value what really matters in life. My old man wasn’t around when I was growing up and I didn’t really have a male role model in my life until I came to work here.”
Mr. Wheeler had taught me a lot about life too, but apparently I’d forgotten a few of those all-important life lessons along the way. “What did he teach you?”
“To put family first. Love your people hard ‘cause you may not always have them.”
We shared a sad look, both of us missing him in our own way.
“He was right about what matters, Johnny. Thanks for reminding me of that.”
He tipped his hat. “Anytime, Gia.”
* * *
After my talk with Johnny, I realized what I didn’t like about Kaitlyn. She reminded me of the parts of myself I didn’t like. And hearing her ream out a young design assistant for bringing her the wrong coffee, was my coming-to-Jesus moment.
“Kaitlyn, can I see you outside for a minute?” I didn’t wait for her to follow me before I stalked outside.
“Is there a problem?” she asked, peeling the lid back on her coffee.
“Take a little walk with me,” I said, between clenched teeth. “We don’t need an audience for this.” I waited until no one was within earshot before I said, “Let’s be honest, you don’t like me and I don’t like you, for obvious reasons.”
“I never said I didn’t like you. And I’m sorry if I’ve caused problems in your marriage.”
“No, you’re not. You came here to cause problems in my marriage. You wanted to get back at Joel for leaving the way he did, and you didn’t care if I was collateral damage.” I stopped walking and stood to face her. “You’re mad because he didn’t love you. You thought when he found out you were pregnant he’d propose and y’all would live happily ever after. When you found out he was getting that happy ending with someone else, you couldn’t stand it.”
She raised an eyebrow, looking amused. “Are you guys getting your happy ending? It sure doesn’t look like it to me. I haven’t seen Joel around here since the day I showed up.”
“You’re happy you drove him away, aren’t you?”
She flattened her palm against her chest. “You think I have the power to drive Joel out of his own home?” She laughed. “You give me too much credit, Gia. If he left it was probably because he couldn’t stand to be around you anymore.”
My hand was itching to smack the smug look off her face, but I had to force myself to take the high road. “You’re not going to win,” I said, folding my arms across my chest. “What Joel and I have is real.” I didn’t know if I was trying to convince her or myself, but I felt those words light a fire in me. “And real is something you know nothing about.” Before she could get a word in, I said, “And you know how I know that? Because I haven’t always been real either.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me over the rim of her cup. “Is that so?”
I wasn’t going to turn this into a mud-slinging contest, though she may have deserved to walk away from this little tete-a-tete caked in it. “Yeah, you know what they say, it takes one to know one. Before Joel walked back into my life, I’m ashamed to admit, I was you. Caught up in all the superficial shit that didn’t really matter. Paying more attention to likes and comments from strangers than what my real friends said and thought.” I hoped my real friends would disagree with that statement, but it felt like the truth to me. A mistake I needed to atone for now that I finally realized how stupid I’d been.
“Yeah, and look where it got you.” She looked around. “Married to a sexy multi-millionaire, with your own TV show, best-selling book—”
