My mouth suddenly went dry. I had to tell him. “Riyan I—”
“You don’t have to tell me.” He shook his head and gave me a half smile. “Each time you were in distress, you got stronger. Your magic, it…it kept getting brighter so I knew you were okay.”
My magic might have been stronger, but my soul still felt weak. I had to free the ugly truth. “But Riyan—”
“But nothing, Sera,” he said with a laugh. “I know you. Everything you could have done was for your own survival and that is all I want—all I haveeverwanted.”
Why was he not letting me confess to the evils I had committed?
“Really?” I said. “I got Brandt Olson killed. I wasted myself on faerie dust and revealed the North’s weakness.” Tears threatened the backs of my eyes and my voice broke. “Anders Hyton slipped me a lust potion and Derrick…did not know. Anders is dead, but the slimy taste of that potion hasneverleft my throat.”
Riyan’s face softened. “Sera, don’t you dare blame yourself—”
“And then I became Derrick’s mistress so I could get access to him.” I folded my arms. “I am in his bed every night, manipulating his mind while he sleeps.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Don’t do this. I’m already in a damn gap between life and death and you still think you can push me away?”
Push him away? I was only pushing him to see the truth!
“I am a monster and a failure.” My nails bit into my forearms and my body shook. “And even though I have everything I had ever wanted in Hyton Palace, I am still trying every damn day to save you.”
His face hardened. “The hell you are!”
My heart jumped into my throat. Maybe he never wanted to see me again after what I had just admitted, but saving him was not about me.
“But you do not understand!” I pleaded. “The Hytons kept Fraleigh enslaved since the beginning and Ganora will trade her freedom for yours. I am so close to getting Derrick to unshackle her—”
“No,youdo not understand.” Even the chasm between worlds trembled at the depth of the power in his voice. “You arenota monster or a failure and you are not supposed to save me.”
Why was he being so damn dense? “But if I do not free Fraleigh by the full moon, Ganora will blood bond with your body to use as a weapon against the Hytons! You will be trapped in the place West of the Moon and East of the Sun forever!”
“Then let her.” His face was hard as stone. “That was my bargain, remember? My life for yours.”
He sounded just like Fraleigh. “But—”
“The bargain was that you live your life.” He leaned forward, matching my obstination with his own. “So be with Derrick. Swim in luxury. Have your faerie-story happy ending.”
Fire flared through my veins. “You think this is my happy ending?”
“It should be. We had an agreement too, remember? You promised me you would try to be happy.”
My chest rattled with a sob. Although I was always following my heart’s desire, I still could not say I was happy. No matter how hard I tried, that is where I had constantly failed him.
I looked away and let my heart thud against my ribs for a couple of moments before Riyan’s soft voice filled the chasm. “I fell in love with you because of your laugh, you know.”
I knitted my brows and looked up at him. “How is it even possible to fall in love because of something so small?”
He smiled. “You were already so impressive, but that laugh of yours?” His smile widened and warmed his voice. “The flush in your cheeks, the unbridled joy in your voice, the sparkle in your eyes…if I could have bottled your laughter and carried it with me, I would have never felt afraid again. And on my birthday, when you rolled around in the Bloodstone lilies and laughed so beautifully the flowers opened up even more just to hear it?”
My lip trembled, but Riyan’s smile only got brighter. “That was it—I loved you. Nothing you ever said or did was going to change that my heart beat in time to the beautiful melody of your laughter. If I was going to do anything worthwhile with my life, it was to make sure you kept laughing.”
My heart sank into my stomach as if it were made of lead.
When was the last time I laughed?
“Serafina Helia…just please tell me you’re still laughing.”
My hand floated through the water to press over my aching heart.
