"But I hate him." I hear what Hawk is saying and I want to show him that he's wrong, but something inside is screaming at me that he is dead on.
"If you kiss all the men you hate like that, maybe I should make you hate me," he says ruefully.
“I could never hate you.” I pause and say, “Maybe if we try harder?”
“Sweetheart, love doesn’t require us to try harder. Love is passion. It’s all-consuming and I won’t settle for anything less.”
He's breaking my heart, but he's right. The passion between us is not there, not like it was with Ice and definitely not like it is with Sainte. Hawk is my best friend, my safe haven and he knows me so well, sometimes better than myself. That last thing I want to do is hurt him, but I've already done that.
"He scares me, Hawk," I admit. I see that he is relieved that I finally get what he's saying.
"Baby, you are a strong woman. You are loyal to the core and you love fiercely. You can handle him."
"I'm so afraid he will destroy me."
"Remember when you came to us, how you were so afraid to face the demons of your past? You gradually overcame your fear. You've even faced Briggs. If you can handle all that, you can handle Sainte. I truly believe he is the one for you and I am telling you to give him a chance. I'll always be here for you and I'll always be your best bud. I promise."
I can't stop the tears from falling. I'm such a fool. Hawk is such a good man. He's honorable and loving, and I am letting him walk away. But I understand what he's saying. If it were me, I wouldn't want someone to love me because I was safe. I want the passion he keeps talking about. I want the all-consuming love. I had the passion with Ice, but never the love. Maybe with Sainte, I can have both.
"You are one in a million, you know that." I nudge his shoulder. "I was just thinking that I am such a fool to let you walk away."
"Darl’n', I'm not walking away. I'm letting you find what you crave. I'm smart enough to know that I'm not it. And I'm ok with that."
"And you promise you will still be my bud?"
"I promise." He takes his finger and crosses his heart and I can't help but smile at the gesture. "Now, let's get downstairs and get on the road. I'm sure Ice is champing at the bit to get out of here."
"Ok." We head for the door and I ask, "Am I still riding with you?"
"Of course. I wouldn't want it any other way."
To be continued …
