My hand automatically goes there, like a connected string that I don’t have control over. She grabs my hand and moves it right where the baby is kicking. It’s awe inducing. She’s growing a baby—our baby.
“I never thought I’d get the chance at this,” I whisper as the baby goes to town where my hand is. “I thought I’d be undercover until it killed me and that was just what I was destined for.”
“Do you want kids?” Claire’s hesitant tone makes me look up at her. “I know it’s a little late, but there’s always a choice.”
“I love kids. I just didn’t think I’d be a very good father. Not because I had a terrible one when I grew up, but because I never felt like I could give enough of my time to a child, a family.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’m moving out of undercover work into God knows what, but I’m ready. Well, as ready as one can be, I suppose.”
We sit, hands on her belly feeling this incredible thing we created.
“We need a nickname,” I mutter.
“What?” Her head tilts.
“In my head, I keep calling it ‘the baby’ since we don’t know if it’s a boy or girl. I need a nickname.”
“Oh, umm, I’ve been calling them Teeny in my head.”
“Like teeny tiny?” I hold back my chuckle.
“Well, they were super small when I saw them the first time. I didn’t like the normal ones, like bean, potato, nugget … I don’t know. I could only think of food ones, and I hated that.” She shrugs.
“Then Teeny it is.” My thumb grazers her stomach when the baby kicks extra hard. “Apparently, Teeny likes the name, but you gotta chill, little one. You’re beating the crap out of your mom’s tummy.”
“I think I’ll miss it when they’re finally here,” she muses.
“Yeah?” I love hearing things like this from Claire. She’s kept things close to the chest since I’ve met her, so this is like the dam opening up.
“It’s like … like I get them all to myself. I don’t know how to explain it. There’s this connection I already have with Teeny. I know that I’ll do everything in my power to be the best parent possible for them.”
“You’re doing an incredible job.” My whispered words are a vow to help her in any way possible. They’re also a promise to do the same. Her tenacity and the love she already has for Teeny are awe-inspiring, and I hope to God that I can do the same.
I make a mental note to call my family and be more present in their lives. I want our baby to be surrounded by my wild sisters and know that they are loved by many, many people.
Her slow smile makes my heart pound.
“I’m a work-in-progress,” she says.
“We all are, Claire. But can we …” I breathe deep, hoping I’m not pushing things so far. “Can we be works-in-progress together?”
“You’re really okay with all this?” she asks.
“I mean, I think I’ll probably fail a lot, but I’m more than okay. You’ve had me hooked for a long time. Even when I wasn’t supposed to be.”
“We’ll both fail. I don’t think there’s a parent alive who hasn’t failed at something. And you don’t feel like I’m trapping you? Because that’s the last thing I want you to feel.”
I stare at her, with my hand still on her stomach. The tear-stained face, the wavy brown hair, and hopeful brown eyes …
And all I see is my future.
“Definitely don’t feel trapped.” I move her feet to the side and shift on top of her. My arms hold up my weight, but I can still feel her bump on my stomach. It makes me feral in a way I never expected. “I am so fucking excited for this. But I’ll be honest.” I hesitate until her hand slides up my arm and wraps around my neck. “I really want to show you how much I missedyouthe last six months.”
“Then show me,” Claire whispers.
Soft kisses and roaming hands take over. She’s like a breath of life that I can’t get enough of.
