It’s acceptance. That even though everything is extremely hard right now, we push through. We hold on to those who support us, and we fight like hell to survive.
We fight to thrive.
It’s like a lightning strike hits me. I jump up from my chair, gripping my side in pain from the damn stab wound I momentarily forgot about.
“I’ll be back. Tomorrow, probably,” I say hurriedly.
“I’ll be here. And Oakley?”
I tilt my head in question.
“Thank you for being honest. Everyone has been too fucking positive, too upbeat. But they don’t know.” His voice drops low. “They don’t know what he does, how he really is.”
“Was. How he was, Len.”
He nods to me again, a mutual understanding between us. He hasn’t said anything to the cops about what actually happened in the cabin, just like the other victims, even though Tennison is gone. Whatever he said to Lennox will stick with him his entire life, and it’s something he may never talk about.
He clears his throat again, “Go get your woman.”
“Thanks, Len.”
I leave without another word.
There will be time. There will be more conversations, more revelations. But for now? It’s time I grow some balls and actually talk to Willow.
Chapter 34
Willow
The rideshare I took home from Rosedale thankfully saw theDo not talk to mesign on my forehead, so it was blissfully quiet. Fresh air and a walk seemed to have only brought out my emotions more. I’ve been out here for a couple of hours, and I still feel like I’m all over the place.
Angry. Sad. So fucking sad for so many things. Exhausted. And anything looking remotely like happiness is too far away right now.
How dare James think he can just unilaterally make decisions for both of us. How dare he think now, of all fucking times, is the right time to make a rational decision about anything. Jesus, even I’m aware enough to realize now is not the time to make any sort of choices outside of what to eat. And even that seems like a challenge for me right now.
God, I’m so damn angry at him. But I also understand the way he’s thinking. I bet, right now, he’s thinking everything is his fault. He’s keeping the guilt close like a parka protecting him against snow. The problem is, I have no clue how to pull him out of it.
I told him we would talk later, and I meant that, but before we do, I’d like a starting point.
Thunder cracks overhead, and I look up. Dark clouds are moving in fast, and I nod. Of course it’s going to rain. It feels fitting for my mood.
Thirty seconds later, a torrential downpour hits. I spread my arms open, tilting my head up and just let the rain take me. It feels oddly cathartic. It camouflages the tears, and I don’t even realize I’m crying until my shoulders start shaking.
Taking one more deep breath, I drop my arms and turn to the direction of my house. No use in staying out here and freezing my ass off as the temperature drops.
The walk takes less than ten minutes, and I cry the whole time. I’m worried. Scared Lennox won’t get better, won’t heal mentally. I’m scared I’ve lost James before I ever really had him. I’m scared I won’t ever get the chance to tell him how I really feel. I’m worried this will change our family forever and we won’t ever recover from it.
I don’t think I can handle any of those outcomes, honestly.
I freeze in my tracks as I walk up to my house. There’s a bulky figure sitting on my front steps, and my heart is immediately in my throat.
When the man’s face lifts from his arms, I take a full breath.James.
I open my mouth to be snarky, but a hiccup from crying so much takes its place. He wordlessly holds his arms open, and I immediately go to him. Sitting in his lap and wrapping my arms around him, I instantly feel safe. I feel this release as I hold him tight.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” I hear the anguish, hear him breaking down in the crack in his voice.
“Don’t do that again. I can’t … I can’t” The words won’t come out. For once, I don’t have the words to articulate how I feel.
