After a kiss to my neck, he sat up. Once he realized my expression, his smile slowly fell, and his body stiffened. “Yo, don’t tell me you ain’t want my baby. I swear, Pril, it ga be a problem. You ca’ have my baby and go on ’bout ya business.”
My head shook vigorously. “No, no! That’s not it at all. I . . . I’m not sure if I can have the baby because I’ll probably miscarry. With my endometriosis, it makes it real hard. I don’t want you to be disappointed and hate me because my body is broken.”
His hands cupped my face. His thumbs wiped the tears that I didn’t realize fell down my face. Now, his head shook. “Nah, that’s not what we ga do. We not ga start this journey like dat, Pril.”
My tears continued to fall. “Tafari, you don’t understand. I have stage three endometriosis.”
He moved his body to sit directly in front of me. “Okay, tell me what da means. My cousin had it, but I never talked ta her ’bout it. All I knew was dat she had bad cramps.”
Something about him wanting to know more about my condition made me feel seen. Derrick had the same mentality of I just had bad cramps, I possibly couldn’t have babies, and I bled everywhere. That was how I overheard him say it to someone over the phone. He never wanted to know the real ins and outs about it.
I thought about what he asked and how I wanted to explain it. “Um, I’m going to try to explain it as simply as I can. I have a lot of scar tissue on my pelvis and cysts on my ovaries. There aresome restrictions with my fallopian tubes. Like, the tests say I’m pregnant, but it could be stuck in my tubes.”
“Yeah, I’m not worried ’bout my bean in them tubes. Just like my nut was determined ta get in there, my bean ga get here.” Tafari’s tone was confident.
I chose to ignore his statement. “You already know about the painful sex sometimes. You’ve seen how I am right before my period with the pain. It’s the worst,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but I’m here for dat and not going anywhere. Why you think I bought you dat new chair for ya studio? You was in der trying ta be aesthetically cute when ya back hurt and shit,” he said before he scoffed.
He came into my studio one day to check on me, and I was almost in tears because of the pain in my lower back and thighs. I had a heating pad on my back and thighs. That shit wasn’t helping at all. He made the biggest fuss about the chair that I sat in. The next thing I knew I had a fancy, ergonomic chair. I loved my chair. It was comfortable, had a massage and heating function, as well as reclined.
“Thank you, baby,” I said as I rolled my eyes. “We don’t really need to go into how my periods are. They can last forever, be heavier than a broken fire hydrant, and I clot. I try to track my periods, but that shit is useless most of the time.”
He chuckled. “Now, I’m not making light of anything, but ya face when dem lil jellyfish come out. You be laughin’ one minute den you like I gotta go. Your face be tore up. In my mind I be like, da jellyfish has struck again.”
No matter how mad I wanted to be, I couldn’t. Something about his comedy of the situation made me feel better because he didn’t run from the situation. He accepted and tried to make me feel better with jokes. “Yes, my jellyfish. It’s just a lot, you know? I’m always tired, bloated sometimes, and my stomach is all messed up.”
His head tilted. “Pril, you tellin’ me shit I know. Why you think them plug-ins and dat spray you spray in da toilet before you use ’em in there? People shit and dat shit stink most of da time.”
Why, Lord!“I’m not going to say anything to that since your ass refused to leave me alone in the bathroom that one time. You’re different, sir.”
“Look, you said da you wanted me ta know da worst of you. I think knowin’ how bad ya shit stinks is knowin’ da worst of you. I found out and we made precautions for dat shit. Pun intended,” he said with a smirk.
I stared at him blankly. “Tafari, shut up and let me get to the real subject at hand.” I took a deep breath. “We should have been more responsible. I mean we never used condoms and that was stupid. It’s crazy that I’m even pregnant. Before Derrick and I broke up, we tried for over a year and nothing.”
“Oh, I ca’ tell you why dat nigga ain’t get you pregnant. God had want more fa you den to have a baby wit’ a bum cheater. He wasn’t ga let you down like dat, den boom! Here I am, da man God had for you. Boom! Now we ga have a baby together,” he said with a smile.
How do I respond to that?I thought about what he said. Maybe he was right. The times that I got pregnant, I miscarried within the first couple of weeks that I found out. There was no time to get used to even being pregnant. Two of the times, I miscarried before my first doctor’s visit.
Tafari grabbed my hand. My attention switched from my thoughts to him. He smiled, then said, “Baby, how ’bout you schedule da docta appointment ta check on our lil baby and we go from there? Let’s stop wit’ all da foreshadowing of what ca’ happen. Take ya phone out and do dat now, Pril.”
I nodded before I picked up my phone to go into my health app to schedule an appointment. “The earliest one is in two weeks. What if I mis?—”
“Aht! Aht! We not doin’ dat, Pril. Make da appointment and we’ll go from der,” he told me.
I sighed, then confirmed the appointment. After I told him that it was set, he gave me a passionate kiss. God, please just let me have this one.
Lil Bean’s Check-up. . .
“Aye, chill out.” Tafari sat in the chair that was on the wall of the exam room that we were in. “Your ass up der worrying befo’ da docta even get in here.”
The time had finally come for my first doctor’s appointment as a pregnant woman. Tafari sat in his chair with a stoic expression, but I knew that he was just as worried as I was. He basically moved in with me last week, like literally. I woke up one day and there was a moving truck in front of my house.
We had a conversation a few months ago about moving in together, but I didn’t know that a decision was made. I asked him what he planned to do with his house. Well, lo and behold, he had already rented it out. The tenant moved in at the beginning of next month. When we discussed our move-in, we agreed that we would move into my house because of my studio next door. Oh, and he planned to build a man cave like Vince’s.
My mama loved that he was there now. She, of course, knew that I was pregnant. She claimed that she knew before I told her. I guessed it was one of thosea mother knowskind of things. Between my mama and my man, they had been on my ass.Outside of my nail appointments, I didn’t have to do anything. I fussed, but I secretly loved it.
“I am not worried,” I told Tafari from my seat on the table. “I’m just waiting for the doctor to come in like you are.”
