I stared at his words. My eyes had seen them, but my brain couldn’t process what he’d said. Nowhere in the text was the wordmistakeI should have never even met you, I was an idiot, or ewwwww (yes, with that many w’s.)
He was just sorry that he pushed me. That was all.
Tears clung to my eyelids as I stared at the screen. Ethan was an incredible guy. Too bad I didn’t deserve him. If I were going to cast anyone as the Ron to my Hermione, it would be Ethan.
Ethan: I know I let you down. Back there with my dad. I’m sorry about that too.
Guilt swept over me so quickly it hurt. I gripped the phone harder, my heart aching over everything I’d said to him—the judgy tone, the harsh accusations—and everything hehadn’tsaid.
He could have called me a hypocrite. He could have pointed out that I was the coward who was hiding away in a studio after dark because I couldn’t face my mother.
But he didn’t say any of that because he was too nice for his own good.
Yale is my future, Juilliard is yours.
He still didn’t get it. The guy still believed that I could overcome all the odds and become a successful ballerina.Right now I didn’t know if that belief in me was insanely sweet or ridiculously naive, but I did know that I shouldn’t have punished him for it.
My phone chimed again before I could respond.
Ethan:You’re probably asleep, so I’ll stop harassing you. I’m just worried I ruined everything. Please text me back when you get this.
And then a few seconds later another text came in.
Ethan:I can’t lose you as a friend.
Friend.I swallowed as my emotions threatened to suffocate me. He wanted me as his friend. I’d known as much, but seeing it spelled out was the reality check I’d needed.
He wanted to forget that kiss and go back to being friends, that much was clear. Not a surprise, really. But what did I want? I didn’t want to be his friend—or at least, not just his friend. It was time I just admitted that to myself.
But the thought that it could be more? That he could honestly want more? That was too hard to swallow. It was a daydream, just like Juilliard. The truth was, he could have any girl he wanted. He’d kissed me, yes, but he’d said himself that he’d been confused.
I stared at the phone, trying to figure out what I should say, but in the end, it was a no-brainer.I can’t lose you as a friend.His words made me want to cry all over again.I may have wanted more, but I also loved what we had. I didn’t want to lose himas a friend, either. He mattered way too much to me even ifEthette(I may have come up with a celebrity name for us) wasn’t meant to be.
I took a deep breath and started to type.
Me:I forgive you. Truce?
I held my breath as the three dots began to dance.
Ethan:Truce. Meet you at the studio on Monday?
I sent him a GIF of a man saluting.
He sent back a laughing emoji.
I curled onto my side as I set my phone down next to me. Sure, I had major hangups and sure, I was an emotional basket case. But I still had my friend and that was all that mattered.
My phone chimed and I picked it back up.
Ethan:Can I ask you something?
Me:Sure
I waited, feeling a little nervous about what he was going to ask me.
Ethan:Don’t take this the wrong way, but was that your first kiss?
I almost choked on my tongue as I moved to sit up. How was I supposed to respond to that? I didn’t want to seem like a loser, but then again, if he was asking, then he knew the answer. Which meant it had been bad.
