Mom was asleep when I got home. I tiptoed through the kitchen. I didn’t want to wake her up. Mom and I didn’t have the strongest relationship, but I feared if she saw me crying, she’d ask way.
And I didn’t want to tell her.
She knew nothing of Ethan and I wanted to keep it that way.
I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge as I passed by. Crying made me thirsty and I was pretty sure I wasn’t finished for the night. Just as I stepped back to shut the fridge door, something caught my eye.
An invitation. To Ethan’s dad’s fundraiser.
I glowered at it. Mr. Morrison definitely left an impression on you. There was no way I was going to that. Not after the way he treated Ethan. Even though I was a mess when it came to my relationship with Ethan, I did have loyalties and out of spite, I wasn’t going to give Mr. Morrison the time of day.
My heart ached so I pushed the idea of the party from my mind. It only led to frustration as I thought of Ethan’s decision that his father’s bidding was more important than following his dream.
Once I got into my room, I shut the door quietly and flopped onto my bed. I let my sobs and tears soak into my comforter as I thought back to Ethan and our fight. The things he said, the things I said. They were real and painful. I didn’t mean tomake him feel bad, but he had to know the truth. He was more than what his dad thought he was.
And then there was that kiss. I’d been blown away by the electricity that raced between us. It was like touching a live wire. Scary yet mesmerizing.
I reached up and touched my lips. I could still feel his lips pressed against mine. I could still feel the way he’d pressed against every part of my body—my body that I’d hated for so long. He’d touched me like he didn’t care. He’d touched me like he wanted tofeelme.
And that scared me. More than anything I’d ever felt before.
How could he love me when I couldn’t even love myself?
I sighed as I flipped to my back and draped my arm over my eyes.
“He can’t,” I whispered into the darkness.
Ethan didn’t know what he was doing when he kissed me. When he told me I was amazing. He didn’t know what was hiding underneath all of my layers. He’d been blinded by his excitement to play guitar at the studio that he didn’t see what was so plainly displayed in front of him.
I wasn’t the cheerleader I’d seen hugging him. I wasn’t Bianca. I wasn’t even a ballerina.
I was a wannabe who would never be able to perform. I was a fool who thought that dancing in the shadows meant I was born to be a dancer.
Obviously, I wasn’t born to be anything, let alone a ballerina. Fate kept telling me that over and over again, yet I was too dense to listen.
My phone chimed. I pulled my arm down and stared up at the ceiling. It was probably Olivia, checking in on me. She was worried, no doubt. I would be too if I were her. I’d neverbeen much of a crier but tonight I’d more than made up for it. If I didn’t answer, she’d probably break the dorm curfew to come over here. Which meant, she’d get in trouble and I’d have to explain to my mom why my eyes were bloodshot and my comforter was soggy.
I reached down and pulled my phone from my hoodie pocket. I clicked it on and my heart stopped beating.
It was a text from Ethan.
I swallowed a few times, trying to calm my nerves. All I could read was the first line of the text that read, “I’m sorry.”
After that, I’d need to access the text to read the rest.
Did I want to read it?
What if he was texting to say, “I’m sorry. I should have never kissed you” or worse…what if he was texting to say goodbye?
Was that something I wanted to read?
I took in a shuddering breath as I tried to calm my mind. If that was what he’d written, I’d be fine with it. After all, our relationship was doomed to end at some point. Who cared if it happened right now?
Ifanything, he was doing me a favor.
So I put on my big girl panties and typed in my password and clicked on the text.
Ethan:I’m sorry. I should have never kissed you when you weren’t ready. I was confused and angry. Can you forgive me?
