My voice steadies. “And this was me doing mine.”
Capri shakes her head like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. “So, Mom really said that to you? That you’re not an easy person to love?” I can hear the emotion lingering in her voice. She’s trying to be strong for me right now.
I reach for her hand, needing her to hear me when I say this. “My entire adult life, she has commented on how disorderly I am. I don’t know if that’s even the best word.“How do you expect to ever settle, Collie, if you can’t even hold a job? Your sister is about to be married for the second time, and look at you. Not even a potential prospect in sight. Did you really think teaching workouts would end up as a lifelong career?”I could keep going, Capri. Her words have been nothing but the roots to my own self-confidence. Yes, on the outside, I’m confident. That’s how I protect myself. But on the inside, I’m in fucking shambles. Or I should say…was.”
Tears fill her blue eyes, and she pulls me in for a hug. “You are my sister, Collie Meadows. We don’t keep things from each other. I understand you trying to protect me…but no more of that shit. You got it?”
I nod in her hold, my own tears fighting back.
“Playing things off with humor will only get you so far,Cols. I hate that you’ve felt this way for so long while I’ve been in my bubble of love in Italy. I hate it.”
I shake my head. “Never. Don’t say that. You deserve it all, Capri. I’m thirty-three years old. I can handle our mother. But make no mistake, I will never be close to her the way you two are. Never. And I’ve accepted that.”
She nods, and I know she understands. I’ll keep the peace. Always. But the damage has already been done. Fortunately for me, I know my worth. Easton taught me that. And sometimes, eliminating people from your life who do nothing but bring hurt and pain, family or not, is the best thing you can do to show you love yourself.
This is me doing that.
I’ll tolerate her how I can. I decided to cut that tie once Capri moved to Italy with Jones full-time. I attended every family dinner with a smile on my face for years…for my sister.
And now that she has a man who will do anything to keep her happy and safe, my job is done. It’s time I prioritize myself.
It’s time I protect my own peace.
We pull back from our embrace and look each other in the eyes. “So, what now? What does life look like for you now? Now that you’re not in shambles. I know it’s been since that man. Easton,” Capri says.
“I’m taking it a day at a time. I just know I care about him a lot. I actually wanted to talk to you about my plus one. Would you mind if I invited him? I know you’re keeping it small, but it would mean everything to me if I had an excuse to see him again. I’m trying to initiate some next steps with him. I think your wedding would be a good place to start. See where we stand.”
“Absolutely. I can’t wait to meet him. The man whosnagged my fiercely independent sister. Never thought I’d see the day.”
A smile crests my face. “No snagging has been done yet. Gotta let him come to me… remember?” I smirk.
“Some things never change.”
32
EASTON
“Let’sgo around the table, and everyone has to say one thing they want to be buried with when they die.”
“What the fuck, Palmer? Where did that even come from?” My sister has the nerve to actually look put off that I’d question her question.
Death dinners are something my family has done since childhood. Sounds morbid, considering we have the death of my brother to think about. But it’s the Voss way of bringing some type of twisted humor to shitty circumstances.
Anytime someone in our family is about to travel anywhere longer than a few days, my parents host a death dinner. Unfortunately, I didn’t give them the time or courtesy before hightailing it to Wyoming last month, and since Palmer is about to go on a girls’ trip for a week to San Francisco, it was time.
According to Mom, at least.
“Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it,” she exclaims, and I have to physically hold myself back from embarrassing her with a snide comment.
“Nah. Can’t say I have.” I hope I look as put off as I feel. “You clearly have, though.”
Palmer smiles and flips me the middle finger. “Sure have. Bury me with my old-school country records and I’ll die a happy woman.”
That girl and her obsession with Western folk.
“There’s no way you two are adults. Children, I tell ya,” Mom sighs. “And Palmer Elizabeth, maybe save the question for after dinner.”
Palmer’s eyes expand wide in disbelief. “Mom, you’re the one who literally hosts death dinners. Emphasis on thedeath. And you want me to save my morbid question for dessert?”
