“Déjà vu. Like I’m reliving this moment for the second time. Except, the last time it was you telling me.”
“Telling you what, Capri?”
“You love him.”
“I’m sorry, what?” My face freezes, and I’m not sure if it’s my body betraying me or my mind trying to catch up.
“Cols, I know you. And as much as you’d never admit it yourself first because well…you’re too damn stubborn for that. You’re in love. I can see it all over your face. The second I said ‘him’ your whole body relaxed.”
“So? Like I said, he’s a good guy. I miss him, yes. And we had?—”
“You had the best two weeks of your life, and they changed you. I can tell. It’s our sister thing, remember?”
Why do I feel like I could cry right now?
“There were the best two weeks, yes. But like I said, we talk almost every day. I’m not sure that means I love him, though. All of these feelings are unfamiliar and things I’m still trying to figure out.”
Capri nods her head repeatedly, and I know my sister well enough to see what’s coming. I’m about to get one of her classic lectures, and she’s going to shake my soul.
Like she said, it’s our sister thing.
“Okay, so let me ask you this. If I booked you a ticket to Alaska right now, and offered to take care of your apartment indefinitely for you to fly out and see Easton, would you?”
Absolutely.
“Maybe,” I lie.
“You always have been so damn susceptible to denial.”
“Okay, yes. I would. Are you happy?”
Capri exclaims with her whole heart, “Yeah, actually, I am. I’m happy because maybe this means my big sister is finally ready to stop fucking running.”
“Oh, you’re on a roll today, huh?”
Another nod. Someone somehow discovered her louder voice today. “Sure am. And I’m not finished yet. Grab a snack.” She ushers to the mint bowl beside me, and I roll my eyes.
“Cute.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You know what’s cute? Seeing you actually care about someone past friendship, Cols. God. I was just telling Jones how much I have prayed for a man worthy of your attention to fucking shake you. To shake the stubborn right out of you and admit for once you’re tired of doing life alone.”
“Capri, I’ve never been content doing life alone.”
“Oh, really? Then explain every trip, event, dinner, breakfast, and everything in between that you do by yourself, Cols. That’s not normal for someone who wants a life partner.”
“I have no excuse.” I exhale. “But it’s easier to do things alone than wait on someone else. And I very rarely travel alone. I may disengage when I get there, but who cares? I’m in control that way. I get to decide what’s next. I get to keep myself from getting hurt. I know I’m not an easy person to love, Capri. I know that.”
She rears her head back like I hurt her. “Who in the god-awful hell told you that?”
Maybe this is where I finally tell her.
“Our mother.”
“Mom tells you that?” Capri stammers. “Where is this coming from? I always thought you were her favorite.”
“That’s because I let you believe that. God, Capri. I’m your big sister. It’s my job to protect you. But you really are living under a rock if you don’t see it. And fucking hell, you never deserved to see any hate past what you were already going through. I knew you’d defend me and take my issues on yourself.”
“You’re right, I would have. Because you’re my sister, Collie, and it’s my fucking job. We have each other’s backs.”
