‘But you look so young,’ I blurt out.
‘Facialist, plastic surgeon, weekly cryotherapy,’ Jennifer says, ticking things off with her manicured fingers. ‘Also PEMF mat, tongue scraping, collagen supps,’ she adds, as if I know what any of these things mean.
‘Wow,’ I whisper. ‘You’re a busy woman.’
‘I’m a celebrity agent so I get access to a lot of stuff. Now let me tell you about Mattieu, my penultimate husband. He was divine. A dreadful human being, of course. I hated him!’
‘So why did you date him?!’ I squawk.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’
‘Please spell it out for me, Jennifer, I need all the help I can get.’
‘We had chemistry. Yes, I thought he was awful, but that just meant that we sparked. A lot. He was my personal trainer and a total sadist.’
‘Huh. And did you hate him when you got together?’
‘Honey, I was doing a downward dog when I realized that what I was feeling couldn’t be hate, after all. We ended up seeing each other for years, actually, and it was one of my best marriages. It started out with me employing him to get me into shape, and he was so bossy, so we’d spent a lot of time together arguing. I think that really helped. It was as if we’d spent so long navigating the things we disliked about one another that by the time we got together, we’d seen each other at our very worst. Honestly, Mattieu brought out the worst in me. I would behave so badly when I was around him! We talked about it a lot once we got together, like: “How come you’re dating me when I did and said all those things?” And I do mean that. I once tipped a plate of spaghetti bolognese down his clean white shirt.’
‘No,’ I snort, feeling marginally less bad about all the Callum-killing I’ve been doing.
‘He kept pronouncing parmesan “parme-zharrn” which wouldhave been acceptable if he was, say, from the continent. But he was not. He was from Huddersfield. It wound me up so much.’ Jennifer shudders.
‘So what we’re saying is, he totally deserved it?’ I chip in.
‘Exactly.’ She rests a manicured hand on mine. ‘I reminded him of it every time we ate Italian once we started dating.’
‘Did he stop saying parme-zharrn after that?’
‘Oh no, totally carried on doing it. He was probably hoping to wind me up but actually, I just started to find it endearing. That’s the thing about dating someone you once hated. You’ve made this snap decision not to like someone and then you spend the rest of your time around them exaggerating their flaws, turning every little thing into a big deal. Then one day, you realize that you probably just wasted a lot of energy doing that when you could have been having excellent sex instead.’
‘Jennifer, you are so very wise,’ I say. ‘Do you honestly believe enemies can make good lovers?’
Jennifer, Dot and Rachel all seem to find this hilarious.
‘The best!’ Jennifer says. ‘Anger is a passionate emotion, right? Very close to love, when you think about it. Personally, I reckon that hating each other creates the perfect platform for – I hate to put it like this but bear with me – “authentic connection”. There, I said it.’
I’m laughing hard now, right when the cabin crew announce that we’re coming in to land.
‘Goodness, we’ve talked through this entire thirteen-hour flight,’ Jennifer says.
‘Thank you for making me feel so much better and for making me an honorary member of your group,’ I say, pointing my fingers at the defamatory Eric T-shirt I am now wearing. ‘I’ve got one last question. The husband who you hated and dated – Mattieu – it didn’t work out. Can I ask why?’
‘Mattieu got offered a job training some billionaire in America,’ she says. ‘He was young, and it was a great offer, and there was noway I was going to leave London. What would Mum do without me?’
‘I’d have been perfectly fine,’ Dot grumbles.
‘Still,’ says Jennifer. ‘It was just one of those things. So, what are you going to do about Callum?’
‘Oh,’ I say, kicking my legs out in front of me despondently. ‘Nothing. There’s nothing I can do. Like I said, I’ve missed my chance.’
‘Fuck that! If he means this much to you, you need to make your own chances.’
‘In this case, that’s a bit easier said than done.’ I wince.
‘You know, I’ve been working as a celebrity agent for decades, and the one thing that winds me up the most about my clients is when they tell people that they manifested their amazing careers. Honestly, it makes me want to scratch my own eyeballs out. Like, okay, honey, you earn thousands of pounds for, let’s be honest, farting about on television and you think it’s okay to tell people that you deserve it because you wished it so?’ Jennifer shakes her head. ‘However, there might just be a grain of truth to it. If you believe enough in something, maybe that can shift things in your favour? Maybe you’ve just got to have hope.’
Hope is something I haven’t felt in a long while, I think as we land in Singapore. There’s not the usual hustle to shepherd us through the airport, which can’t just be thanks to the lack of Hamish and his delayed boarding on previous Mondays. But for some reason, I find myself with an hour to kill before the flight to Perth takes off.
