She frowns at me.
‘How did you know?’
‘I told you! This is not my first rodeo.’
Penny eyes me suspiciously. ‘I’m going to need you to tell me tonight’s lottery results as proof.’
‘How have I not thought to do that?’ I gasp.
‘You’re not thinking straight.’ She shrugs. ‘Maybe get a green juice, too?’
I bob my head up and down, promising to do as I’m told.
Satisfied, Penny yawns again. ‘I’m not feeling great about work, since you ask. No clue why. I usually love it. Do I need carbs and a green juice too?’
‘Always a good idea. Will you do me a favour, please? Write down all the things you love about work, and all the things you hate about it. And then, when I get back, we are blooming well going through that list and figuring out exactly what to do to make things better.’
Penny’s looking at me curiously.
‘Promise?’ I say.
‘Promise. Okay, love you, byeee.’
Standing at the gate, I look out at the plane about to take me on the longest haul of my life. Penny’s right, I did spend so long banging on about the wrong guy. I’d worked so hard on trying to get back with the one that got away that I failed to see the actual good person right in front of my eyes and now I am doomed.
What was the point of it all? Why did I even bother?
Oh my God, I should be laughing really. Silly me! What afool! A decade of my life spent not appreciating the things I had achieved, because the past seemed so much better, and it turns out I was wrong all along. The past wasn’t better; I’d just literally had one nice summer by the questionable standards of a dizzy twenty-year-old with great breasts and decided that nothing would top that. I have spectacularly failed to see the wood for the trees. I have suffered from a serious case of grass is greener and I don’t even much like grass because of all the hay fever!
And now I’m about to board the first of two very long and tedious flights to Australia with no one to argue with-slash-love to hate by my side. Dejected and actually quite frightened now, I board the flight.
Callum’s gone.
I missed my chance.
And my heart has shattered into stupid little pieces.
NINETEEN
To add insult to injury, someone else is sitting in Callum’s seat. It’s chic divorcee Jennifer, resplendent in her ‘end of an error’ sash and ‘we never liked him anyway’ T-shirt. She’s scrolling through a preloved wedding dress site on her phone and when I try to throw my bag into the overhead locker, she turns her kind eyes up at me.
‘Hello.’ She smiles as I attempt another running jump, wishing so hard that Callum was here. Eventually one of the cabin crew helps me out and I settle into my seat.
‘Hi,’ I say. ‘I’m Nina. I like your T-shirt.’
‘I wanted them to read “Eric can kiss my ass” but Jennifer put her foot down,’ chirps up one of the party in the row behind.
‘I’m Jennifer,’ chuckles Jennifer. ‘And please excuse Rachel. She gets very defensive on my behalf, Nana.’
‘It’s … oh, never mind.’
The pilot asks the cabin crew to prepare for take-off, and I realize that there’s no mention of a late-coming passenger. Was that missing egg sandwich this morning a pre-cursor? There are no angry flyers booing the person who held us up. We even start taxiing on time and it dawns on me that Hamish McKellan is definitely not getting on this flight.
As the plane roars up and into the sky, I take a minute toconsider how this makes me feel. There are so many messy thoughts and feelings knocking around in my head right now but when the dust settles I decide that when it comes to Hamish, I feel good. Happy. Relieved. Hamish not being here offers the smallest glimmer of good news, too, and I grasp on to it with both hands.
‘Hey, Nana, you’re in luck.’ Rachel’s head pops up over the back of my chair once the seatbelt signs come off.
‘I am?’
