‘Since when? Because you were moaning about him literally last night, like you do every Sunday night before work.’
‘Do I?’
‘Like clockwork.’
‘Oh. Okay. So, let’s just say that he and I got stuck in a time loop and the more time I spent with him, the more I wondered if I actually didn’t hate him at all. What would you say to that?’
‘I’d say, what drugs are you taking?’
‘Maybe just ignore the time loop bit and focus on the emotional aspect, instead?’
‘Okay.’ Penny sits up in bed and eyeballs me. ‘I’d say that I was not surprised. Like I said, you talk about him a lot. A lot. There’s a very fine line between love and hate, you know? And ever since Callum came on the scene, you’ve been talking about your ex a lot less.’
‘Nice Neil?’
‘I’d almost forgotten about him! No, not Nice Neil, I’m talking about Hamish.’
I bite my lip some more. ‘Really?’
‘If you didn’t keep reminding me how much you hate Callum, I’d have thought he might be The One.’
‘Seriously?’
Penny nods.
My head is spinning with a possibility itching to be explored. Like creeping ivy, it keeps popping back up every time I try to shut it down. The possibility that Callum isn’t coming back, full stop. That I’m stuck here for ever and he’s already found his way out.
‘So, here’s the thing. What if I’d managed to deal with the Hamish thing. To cut ties, and cut him loose, and give myself a second chance at the last ten years of my life, without holding Hamish to this gold standard all the time?’
‘I’m all for that, love. Lord knows we’ve heard enough about that arse to last us a lifetime.’
‘But what if, in doing so, I’ve lost my chance with Callum, too? Because he’s meant to be here with me on this trip and now I’m worried that he had his own return to the past yesterday, and has somehow changed the course of his future too, and now he’s living in a parallel time ten years ago?’
‘This is all very dramatic.’ Penny says, looking both sleepy and confused.
‘I know! My brain aches! Or what if I’ve killed Callum off? What if I’ve meddled so much with this stupid ruddy Monday that Callum is somehow dead? Wait, no, that can’t be right because I just talked to Kat and there’s no way she would have been making a green juice if her nephew had died.’
‘I think you might need some carbs,’ Penny says thoughtfully.
I’m going through the motions as we talk, travelator, departure gate, rowdy divorce party. All this stupid airport stuff all over again. It’s all the same. Everything is the same except the one person I would like to see on repeat is not here and I’ve totally fucked it, haven’t I? I have thoroughly effed up my chances of getting out of here alive or sane or preferably both by arsing around, focusing on the wrong thing.
‘It’s hopeless, Pen. There’s no point even wondering where Callum is, or how to get out of here, because I’m stuck here forever.’
‘Nothing is hopeless,’ she says firmly. ‘Nina, do you hear me? You are Nina Moss and you are smart and brilliant. It’s okay to feel like this. Yes, you spent a lot of time banging on about the wrong guy, but sounds to me like you might have found the right guy now. I’m actually thrilled you’ve finally figured it out because if I had to hear one more story about the level of volume Callum Bang creates when he types, I’d scream.’
‘He is such a noisy typer,’ I say fondly.
‘Just … cut yourself some slack, yes? Not everything needs to be done at a hundred miles an hour. Get on the plane, try to get some rest, and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better tomorrow.’
If there ever is one, I think.
‘Okay. Thank you, Pen.’
‘Is that all you need me for?’
I snort with laughter at this. Only my best friend could happily assimilate all this mad information so easily.
‘No,’ I say. ‘I need to know how you are feeling. Are you wobbly about work today?’
