Monday number five is an absolute mindfuck.
First, I learn that Callum’s not actually an awful human being in disguise. That discovery alone is enough to make me question,ooh, everything about myself. And worse, I realize that I like him. That brain fog I feel when I’m around him, it’s not hate. It’s something entirely different. I’d thought that all the good things about him – the fact that he’s affable, sweet, kind, funny, sexy as hell – were based on a rocky foundation and therefore not solid. Turns out I’d got the foundation all wrong. He is all of those things and more. And he’s honest. I love that he told me exactly how he felt about me. After years of hankering after Hamish, who had always seemed that little bit mysterious because he just disappeared into thin air without explanation, it’s been so refreshing to hear Callum tell me exactly what’s on his mind.
I want you so badly even though you hate me.
Those were his exact words.
And I don’t hate him, not now.
But as he stands there, not meeting my eye as our next flight to Perth is called, I begin to suspect that Callum does still hate me. And who could blame him? Hours after we connected in a very delicious way on the flight here, I pretty much dismissed the idea of us in front of the ex-boyfriend he still suspects I like.
Urgh!
Which brings me nicely to the second reason why today is such a headfuck. What the hell is going on with Hamish? He’s gone from being monosyllabic and suggesting that I have body odour issues to apologizing for his bad behaviour and offering to bang at Singapore airport. I can’t wrap my head around what has changed, other than the fact that time has gone mad and maybe living this Monday on repeat is making everyone else go slightly crazy, too?
And if that is the case, then this unsettling situation is feeling more unstable by the minute. What happens if this just carries on? Will everyone totally lose their marbles? It brings a fresh sense of urgency to my thoughts. I need to get out of this mess, and fast, before the walls really do start caving in.
I press my fingers into my temples, willing myself not to freefall into a panic.
‘Moss? You all right?’ It’s Callum, concern darkening his expression. His gaze sets tiny fires burning in my body.
‘Sort of,’ I reply as we head to the desk, handing over boarding cards to be checked. ‘It’s probably the champagne.’
‘You look worried,’ Callum points out, not letting me dismiss this.
We walk along the passenger bridge connecting the departure gate to the plane, and I exhale.
‘I just wanted to say sorry,’ I say, realizing now is my chance to apologize for dismissing whatever it is that’s happening between us just now. ‘I should never have …’
But while I’m pausing to figure out the right way to say ‘I should never have brushed this thing between us under the carpet like that’, Callum fills the silence.
‘It’s fine,’ he says brusquely. ‘It was a mistake.’
‘What?’ I gasp.
He hitches his bag further up his shoulder, casts his gaze back to me for the briefest second. ‘The champagne, the plane vestibule … The kiss.’
‘The kiss was a mistake?’ I whisper, wanting desperately to have misheard that.
‘I should never have done that,’ Callum is saying, and as I look up at him, he seems genuinely cross with himself. ‘You said yourself that you’ve got a lot going on. I’m … I could kick myself. I should never have added to your problems like that. We should just forget about it.’
WHAT THE HELL??!!
I don’t want to forget about it!
I want to do that – with Callum – twenty-four hours a day.
‘Callum, wait,’ I say, but we’ve reached the bloody aircraft and he’s already stepping on board, showing the flight attendant histicket. ‘Callum,’ I try again, bobbing along behind him to keep up. ‘That’s not … You didn’t …’
But I’m stopped by another attendant.
‘Ma’am, your seat is this way,’ they say, showing me to a different row.
‘Oh no, I’m sitting over there.’ I wave towards where Callum is.
The attendant shows me my boarding pass.
‘No, ma’am. You’re right here.’
