“Why would you be here if you didn’t need me?” Goober ground out harshly.
“Shitty Ritchie is getting bored,” the little dude announced with a mouthful of cookies and a sly wink at me. “I’d like to test out if my dong stays large back in the real world. I say we go and leave Goober here to rot.”
“Not a bad idea,” I replied. “Goober doesn’t seem to enjoy polite discourse.” I stood up and nodded to It. “I’d say it was lovely to see you, but it wasn’t. Good luck.”
“WAIT,” Goober bellowed. “I shall converse.”
“Agreeably?” I asked.
It looked as if It had swallowed a gallon of bile but nodded. “Somewhat.”
I sat back down. “Tell me your real name.”
Goober shook Its head. “Names have power. I will not disclose my name to you.”
“Boring,” Shitty Ritchie bitched.
I stood up again to leave. Goober didn’t like that.
“Ask me other questions,” Goober insisted. “I shall oblige.”
“Name the other two who were supposed to rule with you,” I said.
“No one was supposed to rule with me,” It answered flatly. “I am the supreme being.”
“Interesting,” I said. Had Goober lied to Itself for so long that It believe the bullshit? “That’s not what Cheese Dick said. It was very clear that there were three.”
“Cheese Dick LIES.”
I sat in silence and simply watched It. The range of emotions that It went through as It tried to figure out if Iwas serious would have been humorous if the stakes weren’t so high. Pretending to be casual when I wanted to obliterate Goober was difficult. Goober grew more agitated the longer I stayed mute. This was a new game for Goober and the rules were unclear.
Finally, It cracked… a little. “What does this Cheese Dick look like?”
“You,” I replied. “Cheese Dick looks like you.”
Goober bared Its teeth at me. “More specific. If you want answers being vague will be your downfall.”
“Bells,” I said flatly. “Cheese Dick’s laugh sounded like tinkling bells.”
Goober’s expression went from irate to gob smacked.
“I’m dead?” It whispered, horrified.
I raised a brow. “You got eaten, Goober. What do you think?”
“Impossible,” It cried out, looking down at Its body.
“Nothing is impossible,” I said with a wink. “You just have to believe.”
Goober was still shocked and pissed. “That small cretin ate me? He ate me? The Higher Power?”
I raised a brow. “That small cretin is one third of the true Higher Power, and yes, he ate you because you’re an abomination.”
“Tasted terrible,” Shitty Ritchie chimed in with a gag.
Goober shook his head. He didn’t stop. For a moment I thought It might be having a seizure. Goob wasn’t having a seizure. It was just in such a state of disbelief, It didn’t know what to do.
When Goober finally got control over Itself, It walked over to an armchair and sat down. It leaned forward and Its head dropped to Its hands. Shitty Ritchie took a seat in the other arm chair. Little man shoved cookies into his mouth as he watchedthe story unfold with glee. I was on the couch. The scene was surreal.
