Satan turned his back and walked away. I wasn’t sure if the conversation was uncomfortable for him or if he just didn’t give a damn. It was fifty-fifty.
“Many.” Lizard shook his head sorrowfully. “Not Critter Steve or Trapper Rick as they are Immortal.”
I sat down on the edge of an empty cement planter and stared at the cobblestone pebbles embedded in the ground. “So,they were punished and then worked alongside humans, who they probably became friends with and had to watch them die… over and over and over?”
“You don’t know that,” Satan snapped.
“Educated guess,” I snapped back. “You should be very proud of yourself, jackass.”
“Shall we talk about being proud?” he countered. “Your people unnecessarily drained humans for thousands of years… for the Hell of it.”
“Before my time, turd,” I shot back. “And we don’t allow it anymore.”
“Not what I heard,” he replied.
I stood up and went toe to toe with him. “Tell me what you heard.”
He smiled. It wasn’t pretty. “Your Oklahoma Vamps have killed twenty-five humans in the last month alone.”
My stomach dropped. That’s why Ethan had gone there. I’d never liked the Oklahoma Vamps. They were assholes. Now… now I hated them. Hate was a strong word and I rarely used it since it took more energy to despise others than to get along, but killing humans was not going to work for me. Ever.
“Got it,” I ground out. We needed to get Uncle Fucker’s meeting with Critter Steve and Trapper Rick over with. I had an urgent appointment in Oklahoma that was far more important than a rumor about the Devil’s package size. Hopefully, Satan and I could respect each other enough to trade bodies before the trip to the armpit of the United States, but if not… so be it. I’d deal with it even in Uncle Fucker’s skin. “We’re going to play snooker,” I said, glaring at myself who wasn’t remotely me. “I’m in charge. Not you.”
“I beg your pardon?” Satan was shocked.
“I’m you. You’re me. They made fun of my junk,” I stated flatly. “I’m gonna drop trou, and show them your dick. THEN,I, as you, will apologize for the shitty—PUN INTENDED—punishment you gave them and they’ll apologize to you, or rather me, for making fun of your wank.”
“Can I still electrocute them?” he inquired warily.
It was clear he was a little terrified of me. That was cool. I was a little terrified of him. It balanced out nicely.
“That remains to be determined.” I paused and closed my eyes for a hot sec. “Lizard, I’m gonna need you to handle the wank if it becomes necessary. I’m not touching it.”
“Roger that,” he said with a laugh. “I got you and your wank covered.”
Kinder words had never been said.
