My heart hurts, like I’ve been physically hit in the chest as the pain begins to consume me. I’ve never felt pain like this before. It’s nothing like the injuries from the re-education site. It’s worse, it’s a pain that can’t be fixed by medication or bandages.
Maybe Doctor Langdon was right. Maybe I am a killer. Maybe that’s all I’m good for.
Is anyone safe with me?
How long until I hurt Bella, or the others? I was the trial, the perfect outcome to the government academy, and I’m not sure I can be normal anymore. Even if we did manage to get out of here and try to live a normal life, I will always be the girl from The Academy.
Maybe everyone would be better off if I went back to The Academy and let them live their lives safe, in peace.
Safe from me, from who I am.
“You are trying to fight what you already know. You are a killer, a trained assassin from The Academy. You are a killer, and deep down you know you are. It’s why you killed Thomas.”
Doctor Langdon’s words play in my mind on repeat, but it’s not just Thomas. I’ve killed hundreds of people, Targets, their guards, their families, Lauren.
No one is safe as long as I’m here.
I don’t remember when the tears stopped, but eventually they subside. Bella never tries to move away, we just sit in silence as I stare at the blank concrete wall of the bedroom with my head on her shoulder.
“How’s she doing?” Cayden asks, walking into the room. I look up and see he’s still dressed for the gala. He’s dressed in a black dress shirt and black dress pants. He looks good, but I can't manage the words right now.
“Not well,” Bella whispers, placing her hand on top of my head.
Cayden kneels down in front of me, taking my hands and intertwining our hands, keeping his voice calm and soft. Everything I used to find comfort in.
“Talk to me, love, what’s going through your mind.”
“You need to send me back. No one is safe with me around. I’ll just hurt you all eventually.” Cayden’s hands grip mine tighter, not hurting, but keeping me here. Even if I wanted to run, I’m too weak, too tired. His voice becomes low, dangerous, in a way I’ve never heard it before.
“Over my dead fucking body are you ever going back there. You won’t hurt us, Darlia. What you did to Lauren was life or death. I don’t even know what happened, but I know that you’re not going anywhere. You’re staying here with me, with us. I don’t care what I have to do to make that happen, even if I have to tie you to the bed. You are human, love. The fact you’re feeling this grief proves you’re not the killer they say you are.”
But I never used to care. I used to enjoy the thrill, the kill.
“I did enjoy it, though. If that part of me is still there, how long until I start to like it again?” I can’t even look at him as the words leave my lips. I know exactly what I’ll see and I can’t handle it right now.
But Cayden doesn’t try to talk me out of it, he doesn’t tell me that that part of me is gone, that I’m free. Instead he cups my face in his hands, pressing a gentle barely-there kiss to my lips like he’s afraid to hurt me.
“Stay for me. Please, Darlia.”
And for the second time today, I break.
Chapter 33:
Darlia
I don’t leave the bed for two weeks, only being fed by Bella or Cayden as they force me to sit up and digest something I have no interest in eating. I killed Lauren. Me. The person who swore to protect her from all evil, The Academy. The person who fixed her every wound, who taught her how to fight.
Me.
I killed my friend, my sister.
“Are we getting out of bed today?” Bella asks, walking into the room with a fresh tray of food I’ll no doubt be forced to eat, as well. Managing to shake my head, she sighs and sits at the edge of the bed. Taking two seconds to debate whether it’s worth fighting me, she obviously decides against it and lays down next to me again.
“Cayden is literally miserable. All the other boys are cool, but I miss you.”
The words are stuck in my throat. I want to respond, but I can’t.
“By the way, I got the downlow for you since you have absolutely sucked at getting information this week. All the boys: Weston, Caleb, and Luke were a part of the first Academy trial run. They have this weird brother bond, but honestly they’re all a bit crazy. Caleb is the jokester, Weston is the baby of the group, and then Luke is the blond one and like the boss of them, in a weird way. I need Darlia back. Darlia would love them.”
