“Fuck the cops,” he says, cupping my face and inching closer to me. “They won’t do shit to him. He’ll be out walking the streets in a year, if they even put him in jail at all. Do you want that?”
“No,” I whisper without hesitation.
Cash’s lips lightly touch mine before pressing harder with conviction.
“I’ll do what it takes to end this,” he promises.
I know he will, and it worries me. Phil doesn’t care what it takes to get what he wants. He will do anything and everything to obtain it. Cash going head-to-head with him scares the shit out of me. There is no fighting fair. We are well beyond that point. More people could be hurt. Phil could lose his mind altogether and kill people in cold blood. He could kill Cash. The thought of losing him pains me.
My lips brush his again, and I nibble on the bottom one. I don’t want to think about Phil or what the outcome will be. I want this moment with Cash, and only him. Every moment we’ve spent together has been tainted by something. But right now, being here with him away from everything that brought us together, is our time to bring a sort of purity to whatever we are becoming. There are no more secrets or lies holding us back. Wecan be who we are and what we need to be for each other.
Cash groans slightly and grips my face, pulling me toward him. His lips crash into mine, taking my breath and all other thoughts, except for him, away. I slip between his lips, and his mouth closes around my tongue, sipping on it like fine wine. He lies back on the couch, pulling me with him. When I don’t move fast enough, he slides his hand to the back of my head and yanks me down. I bump against him roughly and groan when my softness meets his hardness. The throbbing ache in my body intensifies, screaming for him to feed the discomfort that has been keeping me going.
He sits up suddenly, pushing me away, and scoots back to put more space between us. Cash gazes at me with longing and confusion as his chest rapidly rises and falls. I’m sure I mirror him exactly.
“I hurt you,” he states, and I turn away in frustration. “I got carried away. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” I fume. “I want you to fucking touch me.”
He lets out a breath, and I turn back to him, my eyes searching his. His confusion reduces until only lust remains. Cash scoots over to me again and tucks my hair behind my ear. He kisses my jaw then flicks my lobe with his tongue.
“I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
Fuck gentle. Fuck tiptoeing around me. Fuck beingterrified of touching me. I’m not fragile. I’m already broken. Cash can’t do anything to me physically that I haven’t already endured and bounced back from. This man is driving me insane. One minute he wants to be what I need, and the next he pushes me away, afraid to give in. No more. He steps up, or I’m stepping out. I can’t do this. I can’t play these goddamn games right now.
I place my hand on his chest and shove him back. His shock and hurt meets my fury. Cash doesn’t understand what’s going on because he doesn’t want to see it. He thinks I need saving. I don’t need anyone to save me. I need someone to stand next to me who understands what I’ve been through, and who will offer a helping hand if I stumble. There is no saving me. Who I was no longer exists. Who sits here now is just as much a mystery to me as they are to him.
“Fuck. That.”
I’m too pissed to explain it to him. I push myself off the couch to get a moment alone and get my emotions in check. He tries to grab me, but I slap his hand away. Tunnel vision sets in as I ignore all the photos of Cash that surround me and go to my temporary bedroom. I’m just a prisoner to those in my life. They take and take and take, never considering what I want or need.
The door slams behind me, making me jump and spin around. Cash looms over me, his anger radiating through his stiff body. It only infuriates me more.
“Get the fuck out,” I grate.
His nostrils flare, and his hands tighten into fists. I pissed him off. Good. Now that he’s paying attention maybe he can understand. What I’m going through isn’t normal. I didn’t ask him to fix me. I want him to want me for who I am now. Can he accept that, though?
Cash backs me further into the room. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Fine! Then I’ll fucking leave,” I shout.
I push against him to get around to the door, but it’s no use. Furious, I shove at him with all my might. He doesn’t budge. I scream in frustration, and the fucker actually smirks. Before I can even think, my palm connects with his face.
The sound of that slap silences everything, and I stand there stunned at what I just did. I’ve never laid a hand on anyone before. I’ve never been so angry I’ve wanted to hurt someone. Well, except Phil, but he terrified me so much I couldn’t act.
Cash stands there for a second, head turned to the side and eyes closed, before raising his hand to touch his reddening cheek. I drop my head in shame, but somewhere deep down is a sense of gratification. I really am changing. It sounds like sandpaper when his fingers rub against the scruff on his jaw. When I muster up the courage to raise my chin, his head is tilted, and his lids are open a sliver in a challenge. Cash has never looked more like a predator than he does now. I don’t know whether to fight and run or make myself as small as possible in the hopes hecan’t see me and leaves. My heart races in anticipation of what will happen next.
He moves, and I flinch. His brow raises as he steps toward me, and I stay frozen in my spot, calculating his next move. Cash circles me, his body brushing against mine. Warmth spreads through me as he comes to a stop, resting against my back. His chest rises and falls in easy breaths making mine quicken. I focus on the door halfway across the room and try to get myself under control.
He lowers his head next to my ear and speaks evenly. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect you.” He runs a finger over my shoulder sending a shiver through my body. “You wanted me to let you in.” The warmth of his breath bathes my ear as I fight the will to remain still. “I’ve done that.” He grabs my hair and yanks my head back, forcing me to look at him. His jaw tightens, and his voice deeply rumbles as he says, “I’ve done it all for you.”
If I thought the real Cash was who he showed me last night, then this is the demon who haunts him. The one he fights to keep hold of the reigns, so it doesn’t eat him alive. What happened in his past that has to be guarded so fiercely? He may have opened himself to get closer to me, but he hasn’t allowed me to get closer to him.
“Have you really let me in?”
Cash’s eye twitches as he grits his teeth.
“I didn’t ask you for anything,” I spit, anger growing again. “Remember?”
