“So, what’s up with the spread?” I managed to ask around the giant bite of food I had just shoved into my mouth. I was starving. But it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact my dad was up tosomething.
“Katie, you’ve been here for a month now. I’ve been trying to give you your space to grieve and not push. But school’s startingupsoon.”
“I’m not going this year, remember?” Iremindedhim.
“Right. I know. I just thought that you…that it might be time to find something to help get you out of this slumpyou’rein.”
“Slump?” I nearly leapt out of my seat with the outburst. My voice had to be at least an octave higher than usual. “My momdied, I’d hardly call that aslump.”
My dad rubbed his hands over his face a few times while I took the opportunity to calm myself down. “That wasn’t what I meant. I know it’s not a slump. But I still think it would be good for you to get out of the house for a little bit every week. A small step toward finding your newnormal.”
“Doing what?” I asked, suspicious of where this was going. I couldn’t imagine this pain getting any better. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night and couldn’t concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes atatime.
“Well, I have a buddy who owns a diner in town. I know you don’t need the money. But I thought a few days a week might help you get back into the swing of things. He said he’d be happy to hire you on as awaitress”
“I’ve never waitressed inmylife.”
“He’ll train you. And just so you know, Julian works down there. It might be nice to see a familiar face. Maybe talk to someone otherthanme.”
“Wait. Julian Alvarado?” I asked, even though I knew it had to be who my dad was talking about. There was no one else I knew with that name. Even in Florida I had never met another Julian. His was still the most glorious combination of syllables I’d ever heard compose a name. It was like talking about a celebrity. You couldn’t just refer to him by hisfirstname.
Nope. He was JulianAlvarado.
I hated that I still felt that way. He had been my first crush. Apparently, that first love feelingneverleft.
“Yeah. It might make you feel more comfortable to know someone.” My dad interrupted mythoughts.
“I’ll think about it,” I answered noncommittally and went back to devouring mypancakes.
We didn’t speak the rest ofthemeal.
Once I’d finished eating, I went back to my room to change into a tank and running shorts. I hadn’t intended to run that day, but after that breakfast, I knew I needed something to help me clear my head. A good run would help me dojustthat.
I really loved to run, as strange as that sounded. So many of my friends back home did it as a way to stay fit, for conditioning for a sport or just to look good in a bikini. I loved those benefits, but running was therapeuticforme.
When I ran long distances, my mind would run too. I loved the way my thoughts jumbled before hitting a strange calmness I could only liken to nirvana. It was in those moments I swore I could solve all the world’s problems. World peace, world hunger, global warming. No difficulty was too great to solve in thatstate.
Today, I just hoped my run would be enough to figure outmyown.
As I stepped out into the midmorning sun, I couldn’t help but think on the selling point for working at the diner. My dad had thought he could drop Julian’s name and I would be falling down at his feet and thanking his for theopportunity?
I had been here for weeks and still hadn’t walked down the street to see if Julian still lived there. I hadn’t tried to reach out to him at all. A curious part of medidwant to go down the street to see if he was in the yellow house that sat on the cul-de-sac. Would I recognize him? What did he looklikenow?
Would herecognizeme?
I was tempted to walk down the street and look, but after a very brief consideration, I started my run in the oppositedirection.
My dad’s neighborhood was small and surrounded by mostly flat, empty land on every side. It took a couple mile drive down a narrow road just to get to anywhere else. It was perfect for running when you wanted to focus your thoughts. Nodistractions.
And since it was still early, the sun wasn’t beating down on the pavement tooharshlyyet.
I started to run and considered myoptions.
My grandma and I had agreed to give it a few weeks before giving up. Having spent the last month here and not feeling any better for it, I was seriously considering returning home. I was thankful I had a home toreturnto.
But once there, what wouldIdo?
Thanks to my mom, I had a nice bank account. Between that and the house I now owned, I could live comfortably for a while. I already wasn’t planning on going to school this year. I could sit around and literally donothing.
