But was that what Iwanted?
My dad’s suggestion of getting a job had both pissed me off and scared me. How dare he decide when I had grieved enough? Who was he to say I needed to get out? But the more I ran, the more reason I saw in it. I could work a few days a week with no pressure to make a certainamount.
It would give me an opportunity to meet people. Give me something to do other than listen to sad music and cry. Also, as much as I tried to keep my thoughts from a certain brown haired boy, I couldn’t stop thinking about Julian. I wanted to see him, to know what he was up to. Now that the idea had been planted in my head, I couldn’t think of anything Iwantedmore.
I had played into my dad’s handsperfectly.
ChapterFour
Julian
Ijust wantedto get some fruit and veggies. After surviving off diner food and peanut butter for the last couple of weeks, the idea of some pasta loaded with peppers or a bowl of strawberries sounded like heaven. I had eaten so much greasy food lately, it was a miracle it wasn’t coming out of mypores.
Man, if fresh food was what got me excited these days, I guess my standards had gottenprettylow.
My basket had a loaf of French bread along with some other essentials when I finally made it to the produce section. I was focused on the food before me, trying to decide if I had enough cash for a bag of apples when Iheardher.
“Ugh.” A sickly sweet voice had sighed from behind me and I made the mistake of turning around to see what was going on. “I wish they would find a way to send all the illegals back to where theycamefrom.”
Before me stood Michelle, my ex. She looked immaculate as ever. Dark hair straightened so not a single strand was out of place. It was so shiny it almost hurt to look at. Her face was covered in so much makeup most people had no clue what she actually looked likewithoutit.
Iknew.
When we were dating she had gone through some serious stuff and, in what she called a moment of weakness, had asked me to come over to talk. Her face had been bare of makeup that night and, I swear, she was more beautiful in that moment than the rest of the year we had beendating.
Maybe it was the vulnerability she showed when she usually wore a mask of superiority. Maybe it was seeing her face without the artificial lines she painstakingly drew every morning. Whatever it was, I never saw itagain.
Her bare face or the glimmer ofhelplessness.
“What the hell, Michelle?” I asked, lifting my free hand in question. “You know as well as I do I was born here, my parentsweretoo.”
She took a few steps forward and narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re the one running around getting into fights and doing who knows what else. You’re a danger to the community.” She stopped and looked around before adding in a harsh whisper. “I wish youwereillegal, so there was a way we could kickyouout.”
“You know that’snottrue.”
“Isn’t it.” She raised a browatme.
While she had never been one of the sweet girls around school, I still found it hard to accept that just a couple of months ago Michelle and I had been making out in her bed, telling each how much we loved each other. This girl in front of me wasn’t the sameperson.
Michelle was one of the few people who really knew what was going on with Marco and my family life. I foolishly thought since we had been dating for so long and she had opened up to me, she would be supportive through mystruggles.
I had misjudged the situationcompletely.
I had needed some time to figure everything out, and asked if we could just take a break until I got a few things settled. Michelle wasn’t used to coming in second to anyone or anything. It could have been she was jealous I was spending less time with her and more with my family. Whatever her reasons, she took it as her cue to start spreading rumors about what had really gone down. She told everyone how she broke up with me and that I was going off thedeepend.
It didn’t help that shortly after our breakup, I had shown up to school with bruises on my face I couldn’texplain.
“He’s in a gang,” they would whisper in the halls. “It’s so good Michelle got out when she did.” Parents started telling their kids I was a bad influence and they couldn’t hang outwithme.
And while it hurt like hell to feel abandoned by everyone I thought was my friend, part of me was grateful for it. It made it easier to do what I needed to do to take care of my mom. I didn’t have to explain why I missed wrestling practice again, or why I had new bruises almost every week. I had fallen into a bad crowd, was addicted to drugs and would hopefully be injailsoon.
Except I wasn’t and Ididn’t.
Michelle continued to stand near me waiting for a response I wouldn’t give her. She was goading me and wanted me to lose my temper. She wanted validation I was the monster when it cametous.
I noticed we were gaining an audience, some dawdlers in this section of the grocery store. A nearby guy had been examining cantaloupe for longer than necessary. In a town this small, everybody knew everybody’s business. They were waiting on something juicy to happen so they could be the first to sharethenews.
I thought I had left my high school days behind me. I had almost expected this crap to end with graduation. But it just lingered, like a strong perfume. Or, more accurate in my case, the smellofpiss.
