Thingschanged.
Julian had scared the crap outofme.
I went from trusting that boy with my secrets to being afraid of the anger simmering beneath the surface. I had shared with him things I had never shared with anyone else. Not my mom, Gwen, anyone. Then, the very next day, I watched as he and his brother beat each other to a pulp in theparkinglot.
I couldn’tdoit.
I had been hanging on by a thread, thinking I would never be the carefree girl I was before my mother’s death. Thinking I was cursed to roam the earth as an empty shell. I had found comfort in my friendship with Gwen and Mitch. I had reached the point that I wanted to start over in my relationship with my dad and forgivethepast.
But Julian, Julian had been the one to breathe life intomybody.
How could this boy who was so tender and gentle turn into the wild beast Iwitnessed?
I did the only thing I knew. I ran. I ran and didn’tlookback.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table again. It had been lighting up with notifications since I left. I reached over and grabbed it without getting up of the sofa and lifted the screen to my face to read the accumulatingtexts.
Dad: Please, Katie, talktome.
Dad: Just let me knowyou’reokay.
Dad: Tell me if there’s anything Icando.
He had seen me when I came home to pack my bags. He knew that I had left and I was in Florida. That didn’t stop him from sending daily messages asking if I was okay, if I wanted to talk. I read the same words over and over again. Words that said he missed me and wanted to make thingsright.
He wasn’t theonlyone.
Gwen had called at least once every day I had been gone and had sent near-constant messages letting me know what was going on. Marco and Julian had both been arrested after the fight. Julian had been fired from his job at the diner after causing the scene. My dad was missing me and even stooping so low as to ask Mike if he knewanything.
But most of the texts she sent were pleas to get me to respond. She wanted me to talk to my dad, to listen to what Julian had to say, to just let her know Iwasokay.
I neverresponded.
However, the worse was Julian. If Gwen had been the queen of harassment, Julian was the polar opposite. He had sent one text since I saw him after the fight. One message. Twowords.
I’msorry.
I still hadn’t decided if I was grateful he was giving me my space, or if I was pissed he wasn’t fighting harder for me. If he felt anywhere near what I felt for him, he should be calling or texting me to explain. Instead, it had been near radio silencefromhim.
I’d been living on delivery and restaurants that had a drive-through, so I perked up when the doorbell rang. I was expecting a pizza, and had big plans of staying indoors and learning just how much of a large supreme pizza I was capable of eating on my own. I wondered just how much more the elastic waistband on my leggingscouldtake.
“Just a second!” I yelled as another knock came, louder this time. I was looking for my wallet and doing a quick assessment of myself making sure I was decent enough to answer the door. “Geez,” I said under my breath. “Impatient,much?”
Soon, I was at the door turning the key in the lock. When I finally opened the door, my grandmother stood before me with her arms crossed, lookingfurious.
“Grandma?” I asked in surprise, looking around the front porch. “You’re not thedeliveryguy.”
“No, I’m not,” she said, her voice tense. She walked past me into the house a few feet before turning around to face me. “Now, do you want to tell me why I am just now learning my granddaughter is back home? And why I had to learn that from your father? He’s worried sick, by the way. Or why you are back here doing who knows what, allowing yourself to fall back into adepression?”
“I’m not depressed,grandma.”
She pinned me with her stare. “It’s not normal to live like this. To ignore your friends and family. To hide away. It’s normal to be sad after the loss of your mom. No one expects you to be rainbows and sunshine. But you’ve got to keep your family intheloop.”
“No, I don’t. I’m eighteen. I don’t have to listen to anyone anymore.” I snapped at her. I wasn’t even mad at my grandma. She was concerned and deep down I knew she was just doing this because she cared. It wasn’t enough to stop my attitude though. “And, besides, it doesn’t even have anything to dowiththat.”
“Katie, you don’t have to pretend to be strong. Your grandpa and I are still so broken over her death. No one is asking you to be happy allthetime.”
“What are you asking for then?” I asked, feeling my anger dissolve almost as quickly as if had come on. In its place came the raw feeling of sorrow threatening to take over. I could feel it breaking through the walls I had been slowly building without even realizing it. With that break came the start of mytears.
