I can see how he curls around that word, how hope sparks and glows in his eyes. He smiles again, that slow, wondrous smile that turns into something radiant and so beautiful that my stomach clenches.
“Maybe we could go for a ride, if we have a few extra minutes before we have to be back at the clubhouse? Just you and me?” I smile like a loon, half because I’m nervous, and half because duh, who else would be getting on a bike with us? It’s a tight squeeze with just the two of us on there.
Wizard’s smile only grows. He’s all warmth and happiness, glowing and so alive with it. My heart turns over and squeezes. “I’d love that.” It’s obvious just how much he would. He’s so sweet when he lifts my hand and brushes kisses over my knuckles. “You don’t have to worry about anything. We’ll take care of it together. We’ll find a place for your mom if she wants to leave, and if your dad ever wants help, we’ll make sure he gets it. We have the whole club behind us.”
I know that but hearing him say it again makes it real. My head still spins and swims. I want to ask myself what I did to deserve any of this, this wonderful man, his club, his brotherhood, and the force of their massive hearts, but I know that it isn’t about deserving at all.
I lose myself in Wizard’s expression, in his tenderness, in his love.
Chapter 20
Esme
There’s no way that I want to be pulling up to the curb at Wizard’s parents’ house, but I need to do this.
It’s been a crazy few days. We moved my mom into her own house. It’s a tiny place the club owns. I didn’t think there were any houses open, because I’m still staying at the clubhouse in Wizard’s room. I’m glad to, especially because he’s set up a schedule for managing the security room, where he can spend a few hours a night with me. I guess he used to sleep during the day, when the other guys didn’t mind dropping by. That’s what he said. Like his comfort and sanity were some massive inconvenience to everyone. I would have rearranged my own sleep schedule, if that’s what it took for us to have time together, but he shifted things all on his own.
I’m pretty sure that the club purchased another house in Hart just for my mom. I mean, not just for her—it would eventually be for everyone, but I think they did this for my family. It’s another thing that I’ll forever be grateful for.
Mom is settling in well. She and I spent hours yesterday thinking about jobs. She doesn’t have her high school diploma. She’s had jobs over the years that didn’t require it, but I’d like her to get it. We’ve already made plans to start studying for her to take the tests she’ll need.
I thought it would be awkward, spending time with my mom after so many years of doing anything I could not to have to see her, but it hasn’t been like that at all.
It hasn’t been awkward sharing a bed with Wizard. He’s gone back to maintaining that we should go slow, so most nights, we just cuddle. We talk. We kiss. We made out last night for hours, until he came in his boxers. It was adorable. Incredible. I’ll cherish every single minute.
Yesterday, Wizard took Atlas and Raiden and went to my dad’s house. They found him outside, working on his truck, and they talked to him for a bit. I guess he isn’t ready to accept any help from anyone yet, but he didn’t throw wrenches or start cussing anyone out. Wizard honestly felt like it was an improvement since the last time we were there. He doesn’t think it will be long before my dad is open to maybe talking to the club’s therapist, or to one of the guys. I’m not sure that talking will fix anything, but I don’t believe that it won’t, either.
When Wizard and I finally talked, a brand new world opened up for both of us.
Our days have been full. I’ve met everyone at the club and most of the women too. They’re incredible. It’s truly a big family, just like Wizard said. I’ve been allowed to sit in the security room with him and watch screens. It’s not boring. Not at all. Not when Wizard is right beside me. Even when we’re not talking, I love just being with him. I was always so bad at sitting in silence, but now, I don’t mind the quiet.
I’m already learning how to be kinder to myself. It’s amazing how much easier it is to do that in the right environment.
I’ve spent days thinking about what I can do for Wizard on the days off that he’s going to take. The guys said they’d cover for him. They’re just waiting for him to tell them when. Mom is somewhat settled, and I feel like I can make concrete plans. I’ve been thinking endlessly about what I could do for Wizard that would be special enough to encompass everything I feel and the man he is, and it finally hit me. We might not have time to travel far, and I know he’s not a big fan of Seattle, but I put together plans for something that I know he’ll love.
Being here is part of the surprise. Not being here,here, but there’s something that I want. Something that Wizard mentioned that his parents have. I texted his mom two days ago, and she reluctantly said that she’d have it ready for me. Maybe there’s hope for them after all. I doubted it, and I know how sad that made Wizard.
I’m all sticky with sweat despite my tank top, yoga pants, and flipflops. I’ve had the AC blasting, but it’s not a long drive. I was sweating before I got in the car, and if anything, my nerves only got worse with every minute of the drive.
I’ve always known that Wizard’s parents don’t like me. I was never good enough for their James, and they have to know that there’s something going on between Wizard and me. He didn’t tell them, and I know my parents haven’t told a soul, but I think even bad mothers have good instincts when it comes to their children.
I’m treated to a dirty look as soon as I get out of the car and spot Wizard’s mom on the porch. I breathe a small sigh of thanks that she has the stack of albums ready. I don’t have to go in. I don’t have to sit through an inquisition or make small talk.
She hands over the albums as soon as I walk up the porch steps, and practically bears her teeth at me. “I’m only giving you these so you won’t bother me about them,” she says icily. She could just let me go, but no. It’s not in her nature. She waits all of two seconds after the albums are in my arms. “You never did deserve James.”
I don’t give her a mocking smile. I don’t let her see how much that wounds me. I don’t hiss or spit or gear up to go to battle with this woman. I blank my face and give her the only thing she deserves from me, which is absolutely nothing at all. “You’re right.” I do nearly break and laugh at the irony of that statement. “I don’t and I never did.”
She blinks in confusion, but I’m already turning and strolling down their little walkway back to the sidewalk.
This woman made a man who turned my life into hell. It’s not her fault that I chose James, or that I stayed. She also somehow made the best man in the entire world. For nothing more than that, I’ll forgive her disdain, her coldness, and even her cruelty over all these years. I probably won’t ever forgive how she’s treated Wizard, though. His dad either. I don’t know if it’s for me to do that, though. Wizard doesn’t expect them to apologize. I still wish they would. I wish they would love him, for his sake.
I put the albums back in the car and head back to the clubhouse. I’m bubbling over with excitement by the time I park in the compound and head inside to find Wizard in the security room.
***
Anyone who says guys suck at multitasking never met Wizard. He’s alone, sitting in a fancy desk chair, watching awhole wall of screens while he types something onto the desktop computer withthreescreens in front of him.
“Hey!” My smile takes over my face. “Is it okay if I come in?”
