"Yeah, Collin, the director. He said he knew you."
"We went to the same high school. I meant who's he to you."
"He's just my director. I didn't know him before Chicago."
"You were hanging out with him at my show, so I was wondering."
"He sort of invited himself. He's a cool guy, obviously, and he gets along well with Josie and Alex. And he wanted to see your band."
Ash nodded as he continued eating. It was some of the best-tasting food he had eaten in a while. It went down easily, and he took big bites.
"What about the show?" he said. "Tell me about your role."
For the next twenty minutes, they talked about the play. There were a lot of things he was curious about, and one question led to another.
Eventually, Audrey stood and started cleaning, and he asked if he could help, but she said she had it covered. They talked while she did that, and Ash found himself watching her wash dishes and thinking he had to find a way to have her—to make her reconsider this distance she had put between them.
"What happened last summer?" he asked while she was turned away from him.
"What do you mean?" she returned without looking at him.
"I mean with us." There was a pause, and he felt bad about putting her on the spot, so he added, "I'm sorry. I just like you, that's all."
"Hang on, let me finish this, and I'll be right there," she said. She took a minute to wrap up what she was doing, and then she turned off the water, dried her hands, and headed back to where Ash was sitting. She gave him a timid smile like she was getting called into the principal's office.
Ash didn't let on how much he liked her, and he was glad about that because at this moment, he was sure she was about to say something to let him down.
"I'm having trouble figuring out how much to say. I think I'll try to keep it simple. Basically, objectively, I like you a lot. I mean, you remember how I would talk to you when we first met and everything."
"Yes, I do. That's why I'm wondering what… I was wondering if it was something I did."
"No, no, I'm… hang on…" she stared off into space like she was trying to gather her thoughts. "I've had so many emotions regarding things that I'm trying to condense it all down to the bullet points for you."
"Just talk to me," he urged. "You don't have to keep it short."
She took a deep breath. He saw her chest rise and fall, and he noticed her serious, thoughtful expression as she began to speak. She stared down at the countertops, not looking at him. "Basically, Ash, my life has a dent in it. I hate to put it like that, but it's just the truth. It's not just that I have a daughter, either. I went through traumatic stuff, and there is just this vortex of doom that existed in my life because of it."
"You don't have a vortex of doom."
"Yes, I do. I did. I found Jesus, and I'm better now. I'm working through things, but I'm not just a single mom. I have scars that are too deep for a normal relationship."
She paused and looked up to stare at him. She was so delicate and sweet, and her eyes were watering with sincerity. He could see that she had suffered great pain. Ash was enraged at the person who made her hurt this deeply. He wanted to reassure her that he wouldn't hurt her—that he would help her heal the scars someone else had put there. But he couldn't make himself promise her those things.
He took a breath as he decided how to respond. "So, you have these scars, and now you think you can't have a relationship?" he asked. "Do you think you're just never going to be able to love anyone… for the rest of your life?"
He paused, and she hesitated for a long time before she said. "No, it's not that." She was looking straight into his eyes, and he felt like he wanted to take her into his arms, hold her, and beg her not to overcomplicate things. "It's… just… not… with… you…" She sounded so choppy and uncertain that her words didn’t sink in for a few seconds.
"What?" Ash asked, making a face.
He was offended, and she smiled at him and shook her head. "Ash…"
"What?"
"Don't do this."
"Don't do what, Audrey? You're the one who said that just now."
"Yeah, well, I only said it because…"
